Thursday, October 16, 2014

Baby Steps

I don't know about you, but lately I've been feeling a bit off. At first I blamed it on the monthly hormones, but then that came and went and I was still feeling wonky. More tears than necessary, more complaints than normal, just this funk that I can't seem to shake. And my dear, sweet man of mine has been patiently listening through all of my silly ramblings these past few weeks, and I just don't know how he does it. 

I also can't quite explain what's going on in this head of mine. Maybe I'm depressed. Maybe depressed is too strong of a word. Maybe I'm Bipolar (<-- as if that's not a strong word either?). Who knows, man.

Maybe I'm itching for a change. As much as I appreciate routine and certainty, I'm finding myself wanting something else, something different. I say just about every other day that we should move. But then The Dizzle logically reminds me that we agreed to wait until after the wedding so that our time and money can be focused on preparing for that. He quickly talks me down from the ledge and I too agree that it's for the best. But then the next day I find myself saying, "Let's just sell everything again and go travel! We'll go travel for 8 months and then meet everyone in Kauai for the wedding! It makes PERFECT sense!"

Do you see what I mean by this Bipolar-ness? 

This morning, after another bout of "I'm just not feeling very happy right now and I don't know why" ramble, Verner suggested a little exercise for us. He said, "Sometimes we get so focused on the things we don't have, that we become blinded to all the things we do have. So let's each think of 5 things that we're grateful for." (Do you see why I want to marry this guy?)

And so we did just that. 

We'll just ignore the fact that I placed #2 on his list. ;)

Anyway - Saying it aloud and writing it down made me feel a little better, and it's something I definitely want to remember to do more often. Because he's right - there are SO many things to be thankful for. And no matter how much money you have or what your house looks like or how many friends you have, you can always find something else that you think you're lacking. If we don't get into the habit of appreciating our here and now, and what we do have, then we'll never ever feel whole or complete.


The Dizzle also suggested that my laying in bed every single day while working from home may not be the most conducive thing to my overall well-being. Which, as much as I love my bathrobe work uniform, I think he may have a point. As social of a person as I am, and as much as I feel a need to have human interaction (thanks to my Leo/Extrovert nature, which trust me, can be a blessing and a curse), being holed up in my studio 24/7 is perhaps counter-productive and could very well be a huge contributor to my newfound negativity.

So I threw on some clothes, asked The Dizzle on a scale of 1-10 how much I looked like a homeless person, to which he replied a 4 (good enough for me), and off we went to Starbucks.

After several productive hours working, we decided to head back home for some lunch. And as we passed the Pottery Barn, I took a look at their window display.

It seemed quite fitting for the morning I had, yes?

I want to remember to focus on the things I have to be grateful for. And not just because Thanksgiving is right around the corner (how the hell did that happen?!) and Store Windows tell me to. But truly. Because come on now. I'm living in San Francisco. I'm engaged to the most amazing man I've ever met. I have a job that allows me to work anywhere. I'm healthy and (most of the time) happy. ;) Things could be worse.

So here's to being grateful. And here's to getting out of my bathrobe and in to a homeless-scale-of-4 outfit. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.


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  1. This made me smile, there have been several times this week where I have had to remind myself to be grateful! Sending good thoughts your way! :)

    1. Thanks Colleen! It's nice to know we're all in the same boat! Here's to being grateful for that. :)

  2. I know exactly how you feel. Last week, my husband and I went on the most amazing trip ever. This entire week (back home and at work), I have not felt like myself. It's like all of the anticipation of the trip and the trip itself had me all built up. When we got home and were back to normal life, I felt like it was the end of the world--even though everything about my life is wonderful. Hard to explain, but I need to do like you and be thankful for all of the good stuff. Every day can't be a vacation, I guess!

    1. ahh nothing like coming back home and feeing the post-vacation blues. It's the worst! But yes, being grateful for the trip and the new memories and all the good things that you can come home to is a good start to feeling better. :) xo

  3. I really loved this post, I've been feeling the exact same way. It a total funk as I've been referring to it! (The Giants win helped)! Anyway, I think I am going to try this. I've been reading quotes and trying to be thankful and appreciate what I have, but I think writing it down will help. Have a great weekend :)

    1. Thanks, Theresa! I hope your Funky Funk hits the road, too! And yes, GO GIANTS! (I say that with as much enthusiasm as I can muster being that I'm from San Diego and care as much about sports as I do about (insert anything that I just can't relate to no matter how hard I try). :P haha xoxo

  4. Definitely get out of those PJs and get out for work! As much as my introverted self LOVES being alone in my apartment for hours on end, even I get the blues when I spend too much time by myself/not in the world.

    Also, your wedding is less than 9 months away ... woohoo!!

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