The Day Roseanne and I Became Besties.

If you've already heard the news, I'm not surprised. I've pretty much told anyone and everyone who has ears the story, but you know, if it's not here on the blog, then it basically didn't happen, or so I've heard.

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Yesterday was a life-changer.

I spent the day at the store, minding my own business and such. Mondays are usually pretty quiet around those parts, so I was busy taking selfies of me in a beanie, seriously trying to determine if I could actually pull off the Q-tip look, when in walks a customer.

I will not lie when I tell you that two thoughts came to mind when this older woman came in:

1) Is she homeless? (Which is not really a far off question as we've been known to have a few wander into the store.)
2) She kind of looks like Roseanne Barr.

This Roseanne Look-A-Like, in all her grundgy glory, was perusing around, la dee da. She was quiet, didn't seem to be in the most fantastic of moods.

After a few minutes, she comes over to me holding a box of panty hose..........from the MATERNITY section of our store. Did you hear that? These were "Postpartum Support Tights" just so we're clear. And she was clearly not pregnant. Nor post-partum. Because she was well over 60 and I'm pretty sure the baby-making parts shut down around then...

But hey. Who am I to judge? If Roseanne Look-A-Like wants postpartum support tights, then dammit, you get it girl!

So ANYhoo, she asks me if I have them in a larger size, and I say, "Sure, let me check!"

So I look in our back stock and voila! A size Medium. I bring them over to her and she looks at the back of them and says, "Well, I'm not 5'9", but I guess these will work."

And I reply to the Roseanne Look-A-Like, "Actually, they're good for 5'0" up to 5'9"!"

So she says, "Oh. Okay. I'll take them."

So I walk with her over to the register and ring her up and tell her the total.

And THIS, my friends is when my life forever changed.

The Roseanne look-a-like, who I legit thought was homeless upon arrival, pulls out her LOUIS VUITTON PURSE with LOUIS VUITTON WALLET and hands me her BUSINESS AMERICAN EXPRESS CARD, and asks, "Do you take these?"

Slow. Motion. I take the card and look down at the name and see:

"ROSEANNE MUTHA-EFFIN BARR" <-----exactly like that.

I gulped. My eyes widened (as wide as these Asian eyes can go, let's be honest here). I took a deep breath and told myself to stay calm.

I can't tell you why, but you guys, when there is a celebrity near me (as if that happens all the time or something), I get all weird. Like, excited weird. But I refuse to let them KNOW I know. You know? It's like, I want to act cool or something by pretending I have no idea who they are? I told you, I can't explain it.

So here I am, in all my Q-TIP GLORY, ringing up ROSEANNE BARR'S PANTY HOSE, trying my best to act oh-so suave when really I'm sure I looked like a lunatic.

And as I hand her the item, she points to the restaurant across the street and asks, "Is that a bar?"

And in my most intellectual, San Franciscan Wannabe Local voice, I reply: "Well, to the right there is the bar area, and on the left side is the restaurant area. So technically both."

Good one, Michelle. (I told you. I get weird.)

So THEN she asks, "Is it any good?"

And I say, while nodding a little too hard, "Yes! Very good."

Then she mumbles her thanks and leaves!

And then I have my FURREAL freak out session because I'm finally alone and can. I immediately text the girls from the store. I immediately share on any and all social media platforms.

You guys. I'm not even a major Roseanne fan or anything. I sort of remember her Roseanne show from when I was little? But that's it! And here I am freaking out like it's effing BEYONCE or something.

So yeah....That's my story.

To my new best friend, Roseanne, I apologize for thinking you were homeless. At least I looked like a Q-tip, to which I give you full permission to make fun of.

And there's another day in the life of Mishi. Over and out.

xoxo