Friday, March 7, 2014

I Survived A Brazilian!

Freshly waxed and freshly loopy from the giant painkiller I took about an hour and a half ago, I am here to tell you that I survived the Brazilian!

I woke up this morning at 9:00am and promptly took a 5mg pain killer. I don't even know what kind it was, just that I wanted something stronger than an iBuprofen. I then took your advice and I exfoliated my lady bits in preparation for what was to come. I contemplated drinking some alcohol, but in the end, decided against it. I mean, I didn't want to be a complete train wreck for my appointment, knowhatimsayin?

The Dizzle, being the sweetheart that he is, drove me to the appointment after seeing the loopiness set in and made the executive decision that I shouldn't drive myself (have I mentioned me + pills = a rarity and therefore I get extra loopy?).

I checked in at 10:00am with a belly full of butterflies, but also really ready. Really, really ready. After three long and grueling weeks of being deemed the Amazon Woman, I basically got to the point where I didn't care how bad it was going to hurt, just take it off! Take it all off, damnit!

Sydney, the sweet and wonderful esthetician I was assigned to, took me upstairs to "THE ROOM."

She handed over a can of numbing spray and told me to go wild.

So wild I went.

Then, I hopped on the table and laid there butterfly legged and very exposed. Perhaps it was the pain killer, but laying there half naked in front of a complete stranger didn't seem to phase me one bit.

She then slathered on the warm hard wax, told me to help pull and stretch my skin with my hands, and then Rip-a-doodle-doo, she yanked the wax off, then quickly placed her hand on the spot and applied pressure, which helped immensely.

Someone last week said to expect excruciating pain and then when the real thing happens, it won't be so bad. And guess what? It really wasn't that bad! The first two spots were the most sensitive and hurt the worst. But like, 3 seconds of hurt and then it's done! She was quick and before I knew it, it was over with! It was definitely nothing like the experience I remember from 9 years ago, thank zeus.

The whole thing took about 20 minutes from start to finish, but like I said, it was really only those first two spots that hurt the worst.

I'd definitely like to go back in 4-6 weeks and compare how it feels to today's experience. She said it won't ever hurt worse than it did today and that yes, over time, the hair will be thinner and it will be less painful, and eventually grow less and less.

Soooooo whoo hoo! I survived! And it was not nearly as horrible as I was imagining it to be.

I think the key to a successful Brazilian is to:

A) Do your research (thank you, Yelp) and find a person that is experienced and knows what she's doing.
B) Take a painkiller about an hour beforehand.
C) Spray a shit ton of numbing spray on your hoo-ha
D) Expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised afterwards (I use the word 'pleasantly' loosely).

Ooohh the things we women do to our bodies... We're so cray.

And now you know what my vagina looks like.
You're welcome and have a great weekend.


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  1. I'm so happy you posted this because yesterday when I was laying on a Brazilian waxing table myself, I was thinking, "Huh, I wonder if Mish every got her brazilian ...." and then here it is! I'm so glad it was a better experience than anticipated! I knew you would be okay! I'm just a little jealous that you get numbing spray!!

  2. Numbing spray!? Where was my numbing spray!? I'm going to have to find a different waxing place that has that stuff the next time I want to do that. Did it actually help?

  3. I've always wanted to get one but I've been SOOO scared. Maybe I'll just take the leap and do it. Only with lots and lots of painkiller though. Perhaps they can just give me laughing gas????

  4. Okay, I went and got my first brazilian this week, too, and I didn't get numbing spray!! WHAT THE WHAT?!?!? I'm going to have to do some investigating.

  5. YAYAYAYAYAY! That is so awesome. Maybe I'll get one now.. maybe.

  6. SEE!
    Told you it isn't THAT bad. Glad you had a good experience! :)

  7. Great post!! Dont you feel so "clean" now? I love them, and shes right it will never ever be that bad again!!! Now picture me (and my vag) at 8 months pregnant doing that...Ohhhh me and my girl were super close haaaaa. I felt so much better after them though. Welcome to the club!

  8. I feel like this was an extremely helpful and serious post for you lol I really appreciate it!! MAYBE I might try one day.. haha

  9. The last line just killed me.... I kind of want one now. Weird, right?

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  11. oh my now i'm super tempted. like really. i've been contemplating for a million years. now i just gotta steal my mom's vicodin. hmmm...

  12. Way to go girl! You were smart with your preparation! When I had it done....oh my goodness. It was in winter so I was wearing a scarf and sweater. But took my pants off, ya know. I took no pain killers, why didn't I think of that?!?! And what the H! There was NO numbing spray offered. I didn't even know that existed! And I had a great idea of requesting "sugar" which was supposedly better for you instead of the wax. Half way through I was sweating like a moth, ya, super hot, took off my scarf, and a few minutes later, in the midst of the pain, asked if I could take my shirt off too! Ha! Its embarrassing looking back. But in the moment all I could think about is that this hurts like hell and Im burning up hot, so the clothes are coming off! So ya. Not the same experience. I loved the results though and have always wanted to go back! So maybe next time Ill use your advice!

  13. **sweating like a in mother. not a moth. Do moths even sweat? But now that I think about it even saying "sweating like a mother" is weird. Why do we say that? Maybe its just me that says that. Hm.

  14. Wow! I don't think I have that kind of bravery in me! Geesh! I tried some at-home waxing once and ended up walking naked around my apartment after pulling one strip trying to figure out how I could get the other one off because I sure as HECK wasn't going to pull it myself after the first one!

    Kudos you to woman!


  15. What? I never got a numbing spray before my waxes. That would have been nice. But I guess waxing down there hasn't ever been super painful so I don't really need it. Buuut I want it anyway. I'm glad this visit went much better than the last time.

  16. I love bloggers who write about shit like this. It is the best. I'm glad it went well! Is that weird to say? lol

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