Thursday, February 27, 2014

Who wants to talk about waxing?

Once upon a time, when I was a young buck of 18, living in the big city of El-Lay, I decided to get my first (and since, only) brazilian wax. On the day of the appointment, I threw back a shot of vodka and made my way over.

I entered the salon, feeling my nerves rise, and was taken to a room in the back. They then instructed me to put on these XXL paper panties and lay back on the table. Looking back, there really was zero need for those paper panties. I mean, homegirl was going to see everything (and I mean everything) anyway, so a pair of giant paper underwear wasn't really covering me exactly.

I had no idea what kind of pain to expect, but I was aware it would hurt some. So as she slapped on some hot wax, I braced myself for what was to come. She laid a strip on top of the wax then said "1, 2, 3," and did a quick RIIIIIPPPP of the strip, pulling off the hair and, what I was CERTAIN, my first layer of skin.

This was me immediately after:


HOLY EFFING HELL that was the worst pain I had ever experienced in my life (aside from, years later, my boob job). With each pull, I let out a loud cry of pain. She then had the audacity to shush me! Lady, you're the reason I'm in this torture chamber, at least let me scream a little!

When she was done, I hobbled off the table, holding my swollen and BLEEDING hoo-hah close, whispering apologies and vowing I would never do that to her again. I would simply shave for the rest of my life!

Fast forward 9 years.

I have come to learn throughout the years that what I experienced was rare and should never have happened. Apparently waxing ISN'T supposed to make you bleed? Huh. Who knew?

So. After talking with a few friends, I decided to give it a try again. I know, call me crazy. But after 9 years of shaving, I just feel like it's time. I mean, surely after almost a decade, things have progressed in that department? Plus, I would love to go weeks without having to think about things down there, while also not looking like an amazon woman. Also, I hear the more you do it, the less your hair will grow back in the future, and I'm all about that. In fact, if I could snap my fingers and be hairless from the eyeballs down, you bet your sweet ass I would be snapping till kingdom come.

Anyway, two friends recommended this place a few blocks away, called Stript Wax Bar. They only use hard wax, too, so no more strips of fabric sticking and ripping off a layer of skin. They also give you champagne before your appointment to calm your nerves. Perfection. I plan to pop a few Ibuprofen before my appointment as well.

The appointment is next Friday...Can you tell I'm a little nervous?

I asked the lady on the phone if I should take a few shots before going in. She laughed and said it was up to me. Seeing as my appointment is at 10 in the morning, I probably won't....actually, when has time ever been a factor for my alcohol intake? Kiidddinngggg.... (not really).

Have any of you had a brazilian done? Any tips for pain relievers?

I hope this is worth it.

xoxo


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36 comments:

  1. Shots of whiskey. Every time. I had the quintessential german, burly looking lady who has done mine every time too... which always makes me giggle

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  2. You will be fine with the hard wax! And if this place is so highly recommended then I guarantee the estheticians know what they're doing and you will experience very minimal pain. I go to this great waxing place every single month and the hard wax doesn't hurt nearly as bad as the stupid strips! Good luck!!

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  3. I've had a few and honestly they aren't that bad. They aren't comfortable, but I take a few ibuprofen and deep breaths and I'm good. What's this about a boob job? I want one!!!!!!

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  4. Oh, my. I don't care how highly recommended they are or how hard the wax is, you're still ripping hairs out by the root in one of the most sensitive areas of the body. I find it hard to imagine that experience will ever really be painless.

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  5. meh i don't think they are bad. I get them done regularly in the summer and less regularly the rest of the year. Getting them while 9 months pregnant hurts quite a bit more though, just a warning ;)

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  6. I find hard wax way better! And it hurts, but not enough to make you bleed generally...A good waxer will make it go by quickly. Good luck!

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  7. Whoever said it hurts less the more you do it lies (IM TALKING TO YOU MO!). It doesn't. It still hurts like a motherfucker. But Stript is the place to go if you're going to do it!

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  8. I used to get brazilians every 4 weeks for years. The first time (even after a long break of not getting it done) is the WORST. No it's not supposed to bleed. And it should be done with the hard wax (no strips)...however sometimes they used the strips on me to get any little fine hairs...but that's rare.

    Take some pain killers like 30 mins before you go in. For SURE!

    But really the only advice I have for you is to find a good waxer. She should be super fast (a full brazilian should take no longer than 20 mins), she should pull those strips off at light speed, and she should give you a soothing cream/oil to put on afterwards. Also, if you pull up on the bottom of your belly (right above your va-j) to make the skin tight, it'll help when she pulls it off. OH and have her or you press on the area she just pulled IMMEDIATELY after pulling...that'll help with the pain too.

    Hope this all helps! I've had my fair share of brazilians. No matter what, they hurt...but you don't ever have to shave again!!!!!! WIN!

    xo Denise
    lovelybohemian.blogspot.com

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  9. omygoodness that sounds so horrible. I need to know how your next one goes!! Promise you'll share? I have never done one but have considered it for the future

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  10. You are so brave. Please let us know how it goes because I've always wanted to try it, but I am TERRIFIED! I'm fine with the pain, but I am so akward and can barely go to the gyno without getting embarrassed let alone getting my privates WAXED. Geez.

    Also, I had no idea your boobs were fake. They are REALLY nice (not to be a creep)!! You can't tell at all (at least from pictures I've seen).

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  11. the hard wax is the ONLY way to go!!!

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  12. I've gotten them before and yes they are pretty painful, but taking 2 ibuprofens an hour before and practicing deep breathing will go a long way. Also the places that still use fabric strips should be banned, the hard wax is the only way to go, wayyyy less painful IMO! Good luck!

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  13. So I actually just got a killer groupon for $55 for 3 brazilians (at an awesome spa, too! SCORE!), and I went where any sane person would go for advice - straight to facebook. Here's what I've got:
    --pop ibuprofen before-hand.
    --make sure you haven't shaved in a couple of weeks so that your hair is long enough, but don't let it get too long - apparently 1/4" is ideal.
    --go in the middle of your cycle. The closer you are to your period, the more pain you'll experience.
    --prepare for the worst but hope for the best. LOL!

    Let us know how it goes, I've been too chicken to actually USE my groupon at this point!

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  14. The first time I went for one, I was told the hair was too short (I'd idiotically kinda forgotten and shaved about a week before), so DON'T make my mistake.. there's nothing more embarrasing than flashing your 'down there' just to be told to put it away and come back in a week's time.. *ahem* it was enough to make me not want to go back... EVER...

    But return I did... and it wasn't TOO bad... they used hard wax and the girl was pretty quick about the ripping the wax off and she put like an aloe vera gel on afterwards.. she then left the room and gave me a bit of time to recover and get dressed rather than boot me out of the room straight away..

    It's not something I've rushed back to..

    Good luck for your appointment & can't wait to hear how it goes!

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  15. I get them every 5 weeks, and I've been doing it for 2 years. It's 100% true that the more you do it, the less amount of hair you'll have. It does hurt the first few times, but after that, it DOES get easier. I can say that, because I am the BIGGEST wimp ever.

    DON'T BE SCURRED.

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  16. Never have I ever gotten any part of my body waxed. I want to...but I think I'm too much of a chicken shit to actually do it. Maybe I'll muster up some courage and give it a try...

    ♥ Duckie.

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  17. Three Ibuprofen an hour before just to take the sting off! Good luck girl!

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  18. I've been wanting a Brazilian lately too. Mostly because I'm lazy and getting sick of shaving. Good luck!

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  19. Hard wax will make a world of a difference. I get mine done every month and it doesn't bother me anymore =)

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  20. I've had a few brazilian waxes and when I entered into the world of hard wax, my life was changed!! It's the best. I'm not good at keeping up with my regular appts (mostly because I didn't have the money for that - hello college broke and then community service job broke and then unemployment!) Now, I have a job and I got one done back in January. I'm scheduling my next one for next week. I've had a difficult time finding a place in my home town though because - womp womp, I'm in Mississippi. I finally found a place though! I just LOVE the ease.... like you said, no worrying about things down south for more than a few days... or converting to Amazonian ways lol. Good luck!!!!!!

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    1. I live in MS too. Curious where you go for waxes?

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  21. Bahaha, I can SO relate to your story. I got a brazillian before my wedding last summer and it was seriously some of the worst pain ever. They didn't give me any paper panties--they literally told me to spread eagle on the table. And..it was a man waxer! I don't even see a male gyno, so this was pretty strange for me. The only thing that helped was getting some Tend Skin to put on the days after the wax. Most likely the wax bar you're going to have something like this. It's kind of like Witch Hazel and it prevents ingrowns. Yikes.

    Good luck!

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  22. you have so much courage in doing this..i scare of pain,so ended up rather doing shaving by own.you're BRAVO!

    xo josephine
    www.joselovincolors.com

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  23. PAPER PANTIES?! You're definitely going to be in a better place. You'll be fine with the Ibuprofen and positive thinking. If the waxist(?) is any good, they can the whole job done in 5 good pulls of hard wax!

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  24. i would just like to say that hard wax, soft wax, green wax, purple wax - it all effing hurts and i've bled many a time. i usually have to tell them to stop halfway thru and then go home with an incomplete brazilian because i just don't give a shit after a while. ugh. the worst! worse than childbirth. serious. but ya know, good luck! i'm sure it'll be painless and wonderful! bahahaha

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  25. I have no tips but I think I should go to LA just to go to this place that serves champagne before! I think that's the only way I will ever be able to do it!

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  26. THE WORST! They actually sell numbing cream you can buy and put on before...but my suggestion would be to guzzle the champagne.

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  27. I am terrified of bikini waxes, I've never done it. I shave and probably always will. UNLESS you write an awesome pain free post convincing me otherwise :)

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  28. Exfoliate...Exfoliate...Exfoliate...
    Do it the night before as it helps the pores be more open. Also, I take Tylenol 45 mins before the appt and also hold the skin tight close to where they will be taking off the wax...the tighter, the better. Once you start going regularly, it won't be bad at all :)

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  29. WOW! I've never gotten waxed down there because I'm terrified and a little shy of a complete stranger seeing my lady bits. I'm curious to see how your new appt goes!!

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  30. An experienced waxer makes ALL the difference! I go to a Brazilian lady here in Portland and she is amazing! I do have a high pain tolerance though, soooooo. haha. Good luck!

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  31. I've never been to the place you're going to but I've gotten a Brazilian at the European wax center and they use hard wax... It didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would. So just go in expecting immense pain, and you'll be pleasantly surprised! ;)

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  32. You are brave for trying it again after that experience! Yikes!

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  33. I have always THOUGHT about doing this... then from shame and terror have backed out. Please tell me how the experience goes... not that this will in anyway convince me I should do it too haha

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  34. talking to female friends, the one who spent 2 grand to get her pubic area lasered free of hair said it was money well spent. the other get's herself waxed every 4 to 5 weeks and says it is no big deal and she's been doing it for 6 years. also that she is in and out in 20 minutes or less.

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