Monday, January 20, 2014

egg-sauce-ted

In case you didn't catch that word, it's "exhausted." As in me, I am that. Why, you may ask? Well, dear friends, it is because I have spent the past 48 hours with a 3 1/2 year old and a 6 month old. And let me just say two things:

A) KUDOS to all of you mom's out there. No seriously. Kudos. Verner AND his mom were here as we all watched these kiddos and I'm still so tired from the lack of sleep and constant go-go-go.

2) I will officially stop telling The Dizzle that we should have a baby. Though I was mostly joking when I made such comments, I have now learned that this is no. joking. matter.

Babies + Me = SOoooooOOOOooooo not ready.


I mean, seriously, it's been TWO days. TWO. And though I woke up no less than 8 times each night to the hungry cries of Jolene or the stirring of Max, it's not like I had to actually stay up and feed the babe. I give many thanks to The Dizzle's Mama for that one. But isn't it kind of pitiful that I'm complaining after TWO days about my lack of sleep and exhaustion?

I can't imagine. I really can't.

There was a point last night where I was holding Jolene and bouncing her on my hip because it seemed to be the only thing to keep her satisfied, and I looked over at The Dizzle, just sitting on the couch all content like, watching TV, and I actually had a MOMENT OF FRUSTRATION because he wasn't recognizing my situation and jumping in to help!

But then, well, before I could even say anything, he said, "Want me to take her?"

And then I think I fell in love with him just a little more.

But POINT IS....It was a small moment where my future flashed before my eyes and I thought to myself, oh lordy no I am not ready for these little ones full time.


They're so cute. They're so funny. They're so cuddly. Yes, yes I agree.

But then that cuteness and funniness and cuddlyness only goes so far before you're like, k wait, no one else is around to take care of them because it's ALL MY RESPONSIBILITY. I can't pass them off. They're here. Just me and them. Now what? This is an exaggeration because technically, I haven't really ever been alone with the two of them, but I'm just imagining what it'd be like if I was their mom and it was just me all day.

Again. Kudos.

I really wonder when I'll ever be ready.

It's always been this far off thought and plan, like, yeah of course I want kids. But later, like when I'm 25. And then 25 came and I laughed hysterically. So then I said oh, I don't know, how about 30? But now I'm 27 and a half and I'm starting to get all clammy hands just thinking about it. So maybe we could push it off until, oh say, 45?

I know people say, "It's different when it's your own kids."

But is it? IS IT? Because I don't think so. They're still these little humans that need constant attention or else THEY'LL DIE and it's all in your hands and isn't that just so scary and exhausting?

Hold on, the baby is crying and Max just jumped on me and is trying to play on the computer.

...

Now I've got the baby in one arm and I'm typing this with my right hand.

Is this how you Mommy bloggers do it? Is this why Mommy's stop blogging?

I wish there was some sort of sign the universe could give me to let me know when I would really be ready for a life with kids. Is it just something you leap into with blind faith that you're ready? Do you just do it because all your friends are? Do you wake up one day with this epiphany like a-ha! NOW is the time. I have been infused with this newfound wisdom in my sleep last night and now I am ready.

All right. End rant. I have no point to this post, but these were the thoughts running through my head in the middle of the night as I heard the baby cry in the other room with her Oma, and I had to write them down in hopes someone out there has some answers! But I must go now, Max just ran away to hide from the monsters on TV, so I'm going to go "save him".

xoxo

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16 comments:

  1. this made me laugh, because i'm your age and i just had my third baby a week and a half ago, and it is every bit as hard as you think it is. the protective drive you have for your own kids kicks in really strong and makes all the sacrifices (sleep, boobs, sleep, and sleep...) do-able and worth it, but that doesn't mean i don't have long crying jags where i just wish life could go back to normal, and that my boobs were my own again. not that i don't love my babies with everything i have - i do! but it is very, very hard. don't be in a hurry! when/if it's the right time, you guys will know, and it will be awesome. Xx

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  2. Every time I would babysit this family of 3 kids under the age of 4, I had the exact same thoughts. It was only like 5 hours of my time, but it was seriously scary. I don't know how parents do it! One kid wants to watch Spongebob but the other is screaming because he wants to watch Dora. The baby pooped and it's everywhere. Now the 4 year old is getting a snack and thrashing the kitchen. AHHHHH It's craziness. I'm 27 and I can't even imagine what it would be like to have children. Sad, but true. I'm right there with you Michelle. No kids til 45!

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  3. It is so hard to have your first baby! You might think you are ready, but you never really are until you have your child. But an amazing thing happens you figure things out and start to gain confidence in yourself. You realize that yes you have a new life to take care of but you are better because of them. When you have children your outlook on life changes. You change

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  4. I also wonder if I will ever be ready. It scares me to give up that freedom I have and my money...and my life. Oh gosh kids really are a ton of work.

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  5. You will be ready! Honestly, it is different with your own kids, you do it because you have to, and because you just do it. When anyone asks me "how do you do it??" I say "I just do it...I don't know" its true, because i DON;T know how I do it but I just do. haha sorry if that doesn't make any sense but long story short you will be ready when you have that baby, nobody is EVER ready!

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  6. Some people are never ready! Most people want them and then there are those that do it because they didn't realize they have a choice or because everyone else is and they don't want to be left out. There are tons of joys of having kids but then there is the exhaustion. I don't think I'll ever be ready for that!

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  7. Add this to the laundry list of reasons why I don't want kids! j/k ... kind of.

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  8. Hahaha....ROFL here...Actually I went through the same thing yesterday. We always bring the boyfriend's nephew to our place at one point in a day to cuddle and smooch him. But after cuddling for 2 minutes I get tired easily, to please him and give him all the attention which is unimaginable.
    I can totally relate to your post Mish.

    I'm also 27 and half and I don't think I'm ready yet for a child mentally and physically.

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  9. I can't imagine NOT having kids. What would I ever do without you kids? There's a tough few years and then one day, they're grown up and actually a LOT of fun to be with. Don't wait until you're 45, though.... You need the energy of a much younger person to keep up with them ;)

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  10. after reading your post, i started to agree that babies kind of scary too.haha..highly influenced by you,Michelle..i had just got married end of dec 2013,and friends started to ask when i'm going for baby.i dunno how to answer them..deep in my heart,i'm not ready..but sometimes their cuteness just killed me..like you mentioned,when is the right time?

    xo josephine
    www.joselovincolors.com

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  11. You forgot about all the fathers out there that take care of their kids!! I don't think no matter how much you prepare yourself, that you will ever be ready for caring for a baby ... but with that said, you just need to trust in yourself that you'll be the best parent you can be! Having the first child is not so bad, especially when you have your spouse helping you. It's the second child that drives you insane!!

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  12. This post sums up all of my thoughts about kids! I get so grumpy if I don't get my full 8 hours so how I would cope getting woken up mulitple times a night, I don't know. Well, I do: it would not be pretty.

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  13. News flash (and I wish I had known this when I was younger)... You will NEVER feel ready. I kept waiting and waiting and waiting to feel "ready" and finally just had to DO IT! (Cuz we were getting old!) hahaha Not to say you should rush into it, but I can tell you from experience, you don't want to be almost 37 when you start. And, once you do take the plunge, you just deal with it. Because there is nobody else to do it for you, and you realize you can handle it. :-)

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  14. I realized earlier that I never comment on your posts and you are probably my favorite blog to read. I was sitting on my couch laughing my head off at this post because I feel the exact same way! You summed up my feelings perfectly - especially the 'really, is it really different when its your own kids?'. I do not want kids despite the fact that I love kids and am good with them. I am sick of the 'maybe one day' thoughts. Maybe never. Anyway, just wanted to drop a line since I never do and i realized that is not cool to read without letting you know! Keep up the hilarity.

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  15. I don't know if anyone ever knows that they are 100% ready! I know I want kids, but last time I was babysitting my cousin and I had to get up at 6am on a Sunday with her I hated it. And I always get up at that time, but because I didn't have the choice to sleep in that day I was like, nope I can't have kids, I like sleep too much.

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  16. I was never ready. Never had the maternal instinct "chip". Married my hubs at 32. Kids were "open" at that time. Five years later, I was like, "I'm not ready". He said, "Cool". Vasectomy, and we are happy as clams. That was 15 years ago. Parenting is hard!!!! Funny thing is, my half-asian friends didn't have children once married. Go figure.

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