Thursday, December 12, 2013

Today, it's just you and me, Blog.

Dear Blog,

After staring at this blank screen for a bit, wondering if there was an interesting or funny tale to tell my readers, I just decided that instead, I'm going to pretend that it's 2011 and no one, but my mother, is reading this.

December around these parts has been a bit of a roller coaster for me. I recently bought a little magnetic white board to put on the fridge so that Verner and I could see our monthly bills, income, savings, credit cards, etc. It's been both stressful and motivational. Stressful because, well, it seems that each month, we're just barely chugging along to survive in this oh-so expensive city and I'm wondering when the day will come that we won't be so stressed about it. Motivational though, because we have goals. Financial goals. And we are being (mostly) responsible and diligent to reach those goals. So seeing them everyday on the fridge helps us to remember what we want to accomplish. It might mean saying no to some dinners out and saying yes to a lot more homemade meals, but I know that this situation is not our forever and that we just need to keep our eye on the prize.

This time last year we were in Italy and I'm pretty sure I said to Verner, like I did so often back then, "I wonder where we'll be a year from now?" Because, honestly, we had no idea. But here we are, living in San Francisco, in our little studio with our even littler Christmas tree. I met a girl today and we got to talking about life plans and that making them often seemed to be laughable. I've always been a planner. I've always (thought I've) known what I wanted and what I was going after. But since coming "home" 6 months ago, here I am, still figuring that out and have come to realize that most plans I've ever had don't actually ever work out the way I thought anyway.

Whenever I talk to someone new about their job, I always make a point to ask them, "Are you happy? Do you like it?" Most of the time there's a slight pause followed with an "Um, sure, it's ookaaaay." But then every now and then, someone will quickly respond with, "Yes, I love it!" And that, dear Blog, is what is so inspiring to me. I love hearing someone tell me they love their job and it's actually believable. It's like hearing someone tell me they're happily married after 50 years of marriage and I just know it's the truth from the way their eyes light up thinking about it. Those "rarities" are inspiring because it means I'm holding out for something bigger than what I've done in the past and that it's out there. Something is out there that will make me so excited and I'll think, "A-ha! THIS is what I've been waiting for all along!"

Sometimes it's frustrating being 27 and not there yet. Actually, most of the time it's frustrating. But I'm trying to keep my head up, eye on the prize, and keep on keepin' on. Just because I don't have this so-called career down yet, doesn't mean I can't make the most of this time on my hands. Like I've said before, nothing is forever, so I might as well enjoy whatever "now" I have.

So. What's my now?

Verner is on the bed next to me, sleeping away, because he has been up since 5am, poor little fella. I am so very thankful for him and I'm trying my best not to reach over and smother him with a hug! So instead, I will just stare at him creepily while he sleeps....kidding. Sort of. I am going to enjoy these days that we get to spend together when I know that's not something a lot of couples get to do on a random Thursday afternoon. I am also going to try my best to enjoy this moment of the unknown. Like the girl I met today said, I'm going to go with the flow and enjoy it along the way. Amen sister.

Peace out, Blog. It's been real.


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  1. My tone and that pause totally gives it away when asked if I like my job.'s okay. The way I see it there are 3 options. Find that thing you are passionate about and love it, accept that you will never find it and make peace with it or just be miserable about your situation. The 4th option is homelessness! I hope you find that thing that you are looking for.

  2. I can't wait to be in that job that I truly love. Work is so much better when you enjoy it. I am still in college but I have had a job that I liked compared to my past couple that I dreaded going to and it really makes all the difference and I know that will once again find a job that I at the very least like if not love.

  3. Wow, I was just talking to my friend about this. We were both saying how we really wanted to get satisfaction out of our starting jobs...and then realized how "unrealistic" that is. How sad is that? I wish it could be easy to find fun and exciting jobs...I know one will come along! Lovely post. :]

  4. honey- i am right there with you.. 28 and just chugging away to barely survive. and i do not like my job. i mean, i LOVE the idea of my job as a nanny, but have you ever BEEN around other people's children? now, try to raise those fuckers... nuh uh. nope. not fun at all (shocking!). so maybe one day when my lazy procrastinating ass is finished with grad school, maybe then ill have the "oh i love my job" reaction. or my bills will get paid on time (woops, sorry time warner! ill pay ya for two months just to make up for it..)... basically, im just trying to illustrate how wrong it is to be stuck in this age, but im sure one day when we are successful bitches at age 38, we will look back at these young 20-something years and be proud.... because part of me HAS to believe all those assholes who are "successful" NOW at such a young age, are going to crash and burn and be QUITE disappointed in life.. whereas us? we are living our disappointments now, so we can say SUCK IT to those jerks later..

    also.. apologies, i dont know what it is about reading your posts that gets me all feisty and sailor mouth, but you oughtta know this is how i usually am. which means we would be fantastic friends in real life... at least in my head...

    i need some wine....clearly.

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  6. creepily staring at him when he sleeps?guilty.xx

    dreaming is believing

  7. i love this kind of post - i'm in the exact same spot [one of those people who thinks their job is just okay, but knowing it's not what I want to be doing. and barely chugging along.] and it's comforting that other girls are in the same position! i like your idea of a whiteboard with your goals on it - it's a good idea. I get too caught up in the dinner and drinks out, and wonder where my money goes! I may steal that idea ;)

  8. Michelle.... I'm now THRITY FREAKING ONE and still not there yet. Gah!

  9. You know, this post is so weirdly comforting. I'm 24 and my husband is 28, and some days it feels like we have NOTHING figured out. It's good to know there are other people out there feeling the same way. I love that you make no apologies about it. <3

  10. I'm 29 and still not "there". Sometimes I think there is no "there". It's a definition that is constantly changing. I was "there" when I started towards my BA degree, I was "there" when i got a big girl job in the city. I now feel like I'll be "there" when I graduate next December. It's always changing and you just have to go with the flow otherwise you get stuck.

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