After staring at this blank screen for a bit, wondering if there was an interesting or funny tale to tell my readers, I just decided that instead, I'm going to pretend that it's 2011 and no one, but my mother, is reading this.
December around these parts has been a bit of a roller coaster for me. I recently bought a little magnetic white board to put on the fridge so that Verner and I could see our monthly bills, income, savings, credit cards, etc. It's been both stressful and motivational. Stressful because, well, it seems that each month, we're just barely chugging along to survive in this oh-so expensive city and I'm wondering when the day will come that we won't be so stressed about it. Motivational though, because we have goals. Financial goals. And we are being (mostly) responsible and diligent to reach those goals. So seeing them everyday on the fridge helps us to remember what we want to accomplish. It might mean saying no to some dinners out and saying yes to a lot more homemade meals, but I know that this situation is not our forever and that we just need to keep our eye on the prize.
This time last year we were in Italy and I'm pretty sure I said to Verner, like I did so often back then, "I wonder where we'll be a year from now?" Because, honestly, we had no idea. But here we are, living in San Francisco, in our little studio with our even littler Christmas tree. I met a girl today and we got to talking about life plans and that making them often seemed to be laughable. I've always been a planner. I've always (thought I've) known what I wanted and what I was going after. But since coming "home" 6 months ago, here I am, still figuring that out and have come to realize that most plans I've ever had don't actually ever work out the way I thought anyway.
Whenever I talk to someone new about their job, I always make a point to ask them, "Are you happy? Do you like it?" Most of the time there's a slight pause followed with an "Um, sure, it's ookaaaay." But then every now and then, someone will quickly respond with, "Yes, I love it!" And that, dear Blog, is what is so inspiring to me. I love hearing someone tell me they love their job and it's actually believable. It's like hearing someone tell me they're happily married after 50 years of marriage and I just know it's the truth from the way their eyes light up thinking about it. Those "rarities" are inspiring because it means I'm holding out for something bigger than what I've done in the past and that it's out there. Something is out there that will make me so excited and I'll think, "A-ha! THIS is what I've been waiting for all along!"
Sometimes it's frustrating being 27 and not there yet. Actually, most of the time it's frustrating. But I'm trying to keep my head up, eye on the prize, and keep on keepin' on. Just because I don't have this so-called career down yet, doesn't mean I can't make the most of this time on my hands. Like I've said before, nothing is forever, so I might as well enjoy whatever "now" I have.
So. What's my now?
Verner is on the bed next to me, sleeping away, because he has been up since 5am, poor little fella. I am so very thankful for him and I'm trying my best not to reach over and smother him with a hug! So instead, I will just stare at him creepily while he sleeps....kidding. Sort of. I am going to enjoy these days that we get to spend together when I know that's not something a lot of couples get to do on a random Thursday afternoon. I am also going to try my best to enjoy this moment of the unknown. Like the girl I met today said, I'm going to go with the flow and enjoy it along the way. Amen sister.
Peace out, Blog. It's been real.