Friday, December 6, 2013

A self-conscious blogger.

"I hope you don't compare real life to an edited one."

I read that today and it kind of struck a chord with me. The post talked about how these blogs of ours are just little snippets of our lives and that bloggers are real-life, normal people, complete with their fare share of ups and downs. As the owner of our blog, we get to decide what we want to share with the world and what we want to keep private. We can choose to portray our lives as rainbowy or not-so-rainbowy as we'd like.

Sometimes I struggle with what to share or not. Sometimes I let my guard down and just lay it all out there and sometimes I feel self conscious and clammer up and ignore the blog for days. Sometimes I'm bursting at the seams to share my life with the world and sometimes I don't think my life is all that significant to write about.

Putting your life out there and sharing publicly, via a blog, opens the gates for others to see you, judge you, like you, hate you, and that's just something that comes with the territory I suppose, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want people to like me. I mean, don't we all? But sometimes I think I let this blog consume me too much. I think about the thoughts of who might be reading this more than I should.

For example, I wanted to share that I sent out my first resume yesterday to this little boutique because ever since I was 16 I've always dreamed of having my own one day and I decided I needed to start somewhere if I was ever going to learn and make it happen and so I'm jumping in. But I didn't know how to talk about it without feeling a little embarrassed about going after yet another career when two others failed so recently.

I was going to mention that we finally got our tree today because we finally got some extra money to make it happen without dipping into our savings or using a credit card but I hesitated because talking about money can seem so tacky to some.

I wanted to talk about the side job I've been doing for the last few weeks but because it wasn't anything amazing or long term, I didn't know where to begin. Plus, with the comments I've read about people's assumptions on our financial situation, I didn't want to seem defensive.

I love this blog and I love that I have a place to vent and document and remember. I love the community I've connected with. But what I want to remember is that when I'm old and grey and blogging is an old and foreign concept, I'LL be the one that remembers this space and I'LL be the one, and only one, who cares (Okay, maybe my future children will care too.). So what I write today, though I love making people laugh and perhaps maybe inspire every now and then, is and should ultimately be for me and my little brain that is the worst at remembering and I'm sure will only continue to get worse the older I get.

I hope I can work up the courage to write with more confidence and less self-doubt. And I also hope to always remember that all of us, when choosing to share whatever details we choose, are more alike than we realize whether it's written or not. It's easy to compare your own life to someone else's you're reading about and feel that perhaps your life is lacking or perhaps maybe theirs is, but it's a good reminder to know that they're human, just like you.

Happy Friday, friends. As always, thanks for listening. :)

xoxo

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23 comments:

  1. I get exactly where you are coming from. It is scary sometimes and you don't know what you should or shouldn't share. However, please do not let people's comments offend you. People always have something to say no matter what you do. You love your life the way you want to live it. Have no apologies because people do not agree with how you are doing things. So you tried a couple of things and they failed...so what? At least you tried and you went after what you wanted. Most people don't even have the courage to do that. I love how free spirited you are and how you live life to the fullest.

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  2. I just wanted to say that, to me, you are an inspiration. You are so incredibly brave for sharing your life with the world AND trying to find a career doing something you love. I struggle all the time with my career - is it right? should I stay? is money worth happiness? - just like you!

    I really love reading your blog because you ARE so real. I understand not wanting to share everything about your life because so many people will criticize (get a life!), but as a reader, I definitely appreciate it. I wish I had your strength! Keep on keeping on girl!

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  3. One of the reasons I love reading your blog is because you share simple parts of your day in a way that makes me smile or even laugh out loud. How much you want to share is up to you, and I don't think anything beyond that is anyone's business. There will always be people who get off on criticizing others and/or even taking it to the next level and making shit up to troll or just be assholes in general. I know it's hard, but try not to let them get to you.

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  4. I'm so happy you got a tree! Ever since quitting my job in April to follow my dream we've been living pay check to pay check, this week I'm so thankful to have extra money for a tree and some presents for my daughter. I'm so glad you shared, sometimes I feel like the only one in blogland living on a strict budget and while trying to make things work.

    Also even if two recent careers have failed I say follow your dreams anyway, when you're old and gray thinking about this little blog you will be also thinking how you lived your life your way with no regrets.

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  5. it's definitely hard to decide what to put out there. I worry about being judged if I say too much or being boring if I say too little. it's definitely hard to find a balance, but we also just need to write about what feels right for us.
    -- jackie @ jade and oak

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  6. I totally feel you on this. Ithink my blog captures less than 25% of what actually goes on in my life but that's ok since my blog mantra is "live first, blog later". The toughest part about blogging is that you can't control how your content goes through a reader's personal filter. But I agree with Jackie in that you gotta just write about what feels right for you no matter what the haters think. Do you girl!

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  7. I definitely enjoy Blogs that put a little bit more out there versus always sharing the fluffy stuff. It's nice to know people are real.

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  8. I love this post. I love that you share all the crazy, sad, happy things that happen with you and the Dizzle that make me laugh, yet you're a REAL girl. I have no doubt that you say what you mean and mean what you say. This post just proves that even more. It's hard to know when you're oversharing on something that's made to put it all out there but I think you do a good job of balancing the two.

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  9. GOMI needs to GTFO of your head Mish. Don't let that ruin what you've built here, which is YOUR blog where YOU write about what YOU feel like. And the reason it's so popular is because we like YOU. Transparency shall set you free.

    If they hate then let em hate and watch the money pile up. ;)

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  10. I'm with you- I don't want to always share everything because I am worried I seem too whiney or negative. You just be you!

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  11. Great post Mish. I think exactly the same thing - in the end, the most of important reader of your blog is yourself! (Though sometimes after I post something I'm still self-critical thinking I could have done a better job on it.) Either way, just to reassure you, I'll happily read about anything you decide to post because what you write is genuine :)

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  12. A little self reflection is always good. A bit of restraint online also good. You're still a genuine blogger.

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  13. loved this post--thank you so much for saying these words! xo

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  14. I love love love this! So true on all accounts.

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  15. This is a beautiful post, Mish. I love that blogging really helps us come into ourselves. I read old posts, and I'm like, who WAS that girl? It's not that I was trying to be someone I wasn't, I honestly just think I didn't know who I was. And two and a half years of blogging, pouring my heart into a public website where anyone can read it, I've come to know who I really am.

    Thanks for sharing your journey of life with us. :) And no matter how many potential careers come and go, we'll be cheering for you every step of the way.

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  16. I am right there with you!!! Congrats on chasing your dream!

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  17. I totally had this real life vs. edited life feeling when I recently broke up with my boyfriend and took a blog hiatus. It wasn't that I didn't like it anymore, it was that I didn't know what to say without mentioning the break-up. Real life events were too hurtful to share online, and anything else wouldn't have done any justice. I love that we get to write our own stories though - such a great outlet.

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  18. My darling daughter, I wish I was with you right now to hug you and hold your hand and drink a bottle of wine together :). I, of course, think everything you do or say is witty and funny and totally an expression of who you are and I love reading ALL of it. If I can't be with you, reading your blog is the next best thing. Yes, you're expressing yourself on a public forum, but so many times I feel you're writing for me and I totally "get" you. Write everything with love & joy in your heart and you'll have nothing to worry about. I love you!!!

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  19. I know so much what you mean of what our readers think of us. You know what is even crazier? I'll get a blog comment and it is good but then I will pull it apart and take different meaning from it and ultimately decide they don't really like me. Apparently, I'm crazy and paranoid lol. Got to step away from that self-doubt, man. And, Girl, you go after that dream and career. Maybe the others didn't go like you hoped but it doesn't mean you have to quit. You go after what you want. Seriously wish you the best of luck and hope you are blessed with a job you love.

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  20. CHASE YOUR DREAMZZZZ, GURLFRIEND.
    ultimately, it is your decision on what to post and what not to post. All i can say is that i love your blog for being true. No foo-foo that tons of blogs i've read that just want post "what's good for my readers". i blog because i just want to share and express some things of mine and as a memory keeper for the future. Haters gonna hate.

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  21. I read that same post and it gave me similar thoughts. I, too often think about what the readers will think. And I don't have as many as you do! But I worry and wonder and don't want to post if pictures aren't super pinterest worthy like other bloggers or post a style piece because I know it probably won't stack up and my readers will think I'm being silly. I don't know...You're right though. These spaces are ours and we should make them as such all the time.

    By the way, I really hope you continue chasing your dreams, no matter how silly you believe people will think it is. I for one, think it's pretty awesome! :)

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  22. Honey, haters gonna hate. Please don't let that stupid site hold you back. Your loyal readers love reading what's going on in your life. I think because you're a successful blogger, and have a good amount of followers, jealousy is going to prompt some negativity.

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