Tuesday, November 19, 2013

I hate the word 'Boyfriend'.

Okay, maybe "hate" is too strong of a word to describe my feelings on this matter. But I must say, that as of lately, I've been quite uncomfortable using the word, "Boyfriend."

"I live with my BOYfriend."
"My BOYfriend and I traveled the world for 6 months."
"My BOYfriend just turned 32..."
"My BOYfriend and I moved up here from San Diego."

"I love my BOYfriend." 

Eeeeeeeh....I'd rather not.


Here's the thing.

"Boyfriend" is the term I used when I was 16 and dated this guy for 2 months. Then, in college, I had another "boyfriend" or two, one for a few months, another for a year, maybe. Even after college, in my early 20's: "Boyfriend" seemed appropriate for the relationships I was in.

Point is: Someone can be your boyfriend whether you've been with them for 3 weeks or 3 years. But to the person that hears the word (or at least to my ears), it can sometimes sound insignificant. Now that I'm 27 (and 4 months), and my...boyfriend (cringe) is 32, I feel, almost, too... old to use that word.

Does that make sense at all?

I was at Planned Parenthood the other day picking up my birth control (because I have NO JOB and it's FREE, don't judge me), and the doctor looked at my chart, saw my age, then asked me if I was PLANNING TO HAVE CHILDREN SOON. <---?!?!?! Say whaaat??? Never have I been asked such a question! So I asked her if 4 years was "soon" and she responded with, "Well, yeah, sort of."
I just...I can't even go there right now. I don't know what this point necessarily has to do with my blog post, but it just made me feel....aged. Like, I'm at the age where apparently I can start to plan for my future children, but yet, I still have a...BOYfriend.

Anyway. I just feel like there needs to be a more significant word to describe the "mature-I'm-in-my-late-20's" relationship I have with The Dizzle. He's not just my "boyfriend."
To me, he's much more than that.

But if I try to use a different term, it doesn't sit well either.

"Life Partner" makes me sound like I'm either a lesbian or someone who's not for the idea of marriage. And well, I'm neither of those.

"Guy I'm seeing" sounds like we just get drunk, hook up, and call it a day. Though, some days it may be two out of those three, I would like to think our relationship is more than that. (TMI?)

"Guy I'm dating" sounds like it's in the early stages and we have yet to "label" our relationship.

"Man Friend" = "Man Whore".

"Domestic Partner" <--- I think of my Mom, who is almost 60, and living with her man for almost 10 years.

Should I just stop rambling now?
I'm probably making zero sense and have left you all to stare at your computer screens in a confused stupor.


Anyway, I don't know why we humans have to label everything, but we do. And now I'm in a relationship where the world has labeled it a term that I do not particularly like. Perhaps going forward, I shall just refer to The Dizzle as "My Live-in Sex Partner That I Happen to Be Madly In Love With".

.... because THAT wouldn't be awkward.

xoxo


P.S. Thank you to Britney Spears for providing such great facial expressions to help elaborate my feelings in today's post.


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49 comments:

  1. Haha I too hated the word boyfriend! It seriously made me feel like a tween. I just kept hearing the middle school girls singing "ooooh is he your BOYfrieeennnnd??" You know what I mean? So glad I never have to use that word again. I feel ya girl.

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  2. I know exactly how you feel. I moved from Iowa to NYC to live with my boyfriend, after two years of dating. Then we lived together for 3.5 years and in 3 states. I hated calling him my boyfriend to other people, especially strangers. because like you said, it makes the relationship seem new & frankly disposable. and that was NOT how I felt, we had been together + lived together longer than some married couples I knew. it was ludicrous and I know how you feel. Thankfully he proposed 4 months ago, so now he can be referred to as my fiance [which is also weird to say ..and I'm sure husband will be just as weird]. If I were you, I'd stick with live-in sex partner that you love :)

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  3. Hehe...I don't think manfriend=manwhore. I mean...isn't that what Carrie called Big for a hot second? I personally don't think boyfriend is insignificant, but also...who cares what peeps think. You and your man know what you guys have. So enjoy it!

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  4. I totally understand. I feel childish saying "my boyfriend". we're 31 years old and have been together for almost 3 years. it makes me feel silly saying it, so sometimes I just say "my guy"

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  5. Britney FTW! She is the best :)

    Totally get what you mean - why isn't there an in-between word?? "We're not casually dating but we're not quite to the 'engaged' stage yet"... what do you call that?!

    "Man-friend" makes me feel uncomfortable. Ha!

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  6. If you come up with a good one, let me know. I've been trying to come up with one that's not awkward for ten years. A 59 year old man is NOT a BOYfriend.

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  7. I have to admit, at dinner the other night I referred to my dad's live in whatever as just his girlfriend because I knew it would get under her skin. Oops!!

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  8. Just got in a discussion with my... 'whatever' about that this morning.
    I hate that word. And hate is the appropriate word for the amount of negativity
    I can never use the phrase "my boyfriend" without feeling like I'm losing credibility and IQ. Something must be done.
    Does "lover" have too many connotations?

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  9. In Australia, people called their live in people "partners", but it sounded totally normal over there - but it wouldn't necessarily here. I always thought it was weird too - the same at 3 weeks or 3 years (in fact, we may have had this conversation before). But enjoy "boyfriend", but "fiance" is just plain gross :)

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  10. We need to find an appropriate word in a different language and get everyone to use it.

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  11. Totally feel ya on this! My "man" and I have been together for 4+ years now and have been living together since just about 3 of those years. There's got to be a better term, right!? I mean we're basically like a married couple, just no signed papers and wedding expenses!

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  12. Charles and I have been together for almost 7 years and started calling each other "bedfriends" because we're best friends who shared beds haha. We've recently gotten engaged and let me tell you, it gets even more awkward when you have to say "fiance"... I still slip up every now and then and call him me bedfriend ... Fiance just sounds soooo stuffy to me lol.

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  13. preach it. i feel all of these same thoughts about my boy that is more than a friend but not my husband.

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  14. Haha I understand...and I'm just a young buck myself ;) I'm only nineteen and I already hate the word 'boyfriend'. I started calling my boyfriends 'partners' which cues the 'are you a lesbian' look and then I have to explain the situation...So I usually end up saying, 'no, he's my boyfriend' anyway...Ugh.

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  15. ha the Britney expressions are perfect. and I was using the term boyfriend for my 3+ year relationship until I was 30 and we got engaged last year. so I definitely know how weird it feels!
    -- jackie @ jade and oak

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  16. Hahaha, I love your solution. I dislike saying "boyfriend" because I feel like people don't take our relationship seriously. People pretty much discount the relationship until you're at least able to say fiance. I've been with my boyfriend for four years, some people get married after 4 months. I'm pretty sure we're serious...

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  17. Seriously amen to this post. I've been with my "boyfriend" for 4.5 years, we've lived together the whole time, we have a son together, are looking at buying a house, have bought a car together, and I hate calling him my boyfriend. I don't think it labels him significant enough. I've tried partner, but like you said it makes me sound like I am a lesbian, and I've called him my other half but that makes me feel sort of old. I love "live-in sex partner that I happen to be madly in love with" though! Ha ha! I might actually have to use that ;D

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  18. I tend to use "man friend" or "partner". I prefer both over fiancé.

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  19. That's one of my favorite Sex and the City episodes! It's so true though, I hated using the term boyfriend. It felt so insignificant, so young. One day you'll be able use fiancé hehe 😜

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  20. Hahaha. I have the same problem. My BOYfriend is about the same age difference, and it's just weird to call him that.

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  21. Me too! I hate that term! I know I referred to him as "The Boyfriend" on the blog but that was really more tongue-in-cheek. In real life, the boyfriend/girlfriend terms felt inadequate. After a few years, he referred to me as his "significant other" and I started calling him my "live-in lover" once we moved in together. The terms still fit, even though we're married now. ;)

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  22. I feel ya, My boyfriend ;) and I have been dating for almost five years so that term does seem a bit casual and not only that if I just say "me and the boy" people make fun of me for calling him a boy and not a man and I just don't get it why is it so complicated??

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  23. Hmmm I don't know... "My Live-in Sex Partner That I Happen to Be Madly In Love With" has a great ring to it! :P But if you insist on using a different word.... how about just "partner" without adding "domestic" or "life" in front of it? Significant other would also work, but it's too much of a mouthful.
    the-lifestyle-project.com

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  24. I always called Ammon my man friend. Boyfriend is just awkward. I also took to telling people we lived in sin. Because of they're going to judge me for being in my late 20's and still not married, I figured I should make it as awkward as humanly possible.

    I also found live in lover to be a really interesting title.

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  25. I think my friend used Domestic Life Partner before she got married to her man. I dunno. Just say he's your Dizzle and leave it at that! hahaha

    P.S. I love Britney.

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  26. I feel the exact same way! Boyfriend makes it seem like your relationship is less than it is. Like he isn't nearly as important to me as a husband would be. And yet mine has been in my life for 3 years. We live together, have a dog together. There needs to be some in-between word that doesn't involve a diamond. I still use life partner and I just let people wonder haha.

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  27. Perhaps he should just put a ring on it so you can call him your fiancee?

    I also dislike 'boyfriend'. It makes me feel like a teenager and S and I have been together almost 7 years and it just makes me sound like a kid.

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  28. Haha personally, I like the last one! "My live in sex partner that I happen to be madly in love with" ;)

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  29. What about "my man?" That's the equivalent in Hawaiian- someone that you are in a committed relationship with is often referred to as "ku'u kane" or "ku'u wahine" (my - as in the beloved sense- man and my woman).

    Just go with ku'u kane =)

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  30. I was totally in sync with you through this entire post. I've been with Joey for over 8 years already. He's 31, I'm 27 so "boyfriend" isn't really an appropriate term for him anymore either and even though he proposed this past summer I feel like we're too far into our relationship for me to be comfortable calling him my "fiance". Does that make sense?

    Anyway, I just call him "my other half" when I introduce him to people. And when people ask if we're married, I just tell them "no, we're sinners."

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  31. I always hated the word boyfriend when Nick and I had been together for 5+ years... I started calling him my "beau" towards the end, partially because it's French and sounded sophisticated and partly because I just hated the term boyfriend!

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  32. I have the same issue with "boyfriend." At what age can we stop using that term? And is there really a better one?

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  33. This actually made me laugh out loud... during a lecture. So thanks for the dirty stares I got! I also hated that with B - we owned a home together, I was 27 and he was 30. Boyfriend was not the correct term. But you know what feels equally awkward for completely different reasons? Fiance. The first 1000 times I said it I felt like an imposter. Ugh Let me know what alternate terms you come up with!

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    1. Oh, and you could always go the route of Carrie Bradshaw. Just call V Dizzle your manfriend :)

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  34. Ohmygosh, I feel like we're the same person. I have the same aversion to the term, even though I've been dating my current guy for only two months or so, but I've always had this semi-hatred for the term. It just never sounds right for the actual person I'm with, you know?

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  35. I've been thinking about writing this same post!! I HATE the word boyfriend.Dean and I are on our second apartment and taking care of a dog we rescued together but I still feel like I can't reference him for someone to call in an emergency because "call my boyfriend" sounds dumb. I typically only call him Dean and when someone asks me who dean is I just get confused. As if everyone should know that Dean is my live in man partner/co dog parent. I'll throw out the terms partner or significant other sometimes in blogland.

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  36. I FEEL you on this! I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. Give me a different term por favor! ugh!

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  37. i totally feel ya!!! I hate saying boyfriend too (we are both pushing 30), so I tend to just call him "My Man". And apparently he calls me his "girl" to his co-worker.

    i'm not a girl, not yet a woman. wait. wtf. hahaha.

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  38. Tell me about it! I've been with my other half for 8 and a half years and we live together. I hate how juvenile boyfriend sounds!

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  39. Yeah, I skipped that term too - hated it - so I went for "My man".

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  40. You know, now that I think about it, boyfriend really is such an awful word. It totally does not fit a long term relationship at all. I think when people ask you should just say he is your lover.

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  41. Uh...... lover? Manfriend? My cuddle-poo? Man, I can't think of a good term either. *shrugs*

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  42. So. True. I dated my "boyfriend" for six years before we got engaged...and after about 3.5 - 4 years, it just didn't sound right. I would just start saying his name and if people asked who he was, I would explain. Otherwise, it just seemed that I talked about about this guy names Will a lot like a creeper. :)

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  43. I get it! I've lived with my "boyfriend" for 12 years now, surely he's something more but I've also tried those other terms only to return to boyfriend.

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  44. I totally understand where you're coming from! I'm single, but I'm also 30 years. When I do find that man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with I would feel silly saying "boyfriend" as a woman in her 30s. It sounds so high school/college/...just as you described. Hopefully they'll come up with a better term soon! *erica* lookingtothestars.com

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  45. Awesome and hilarious post! I'm in the same boat as you - I've been with my boyfriend for close to 7 years, and boyfriend just doesn't seem to convey as much meaning as husband might. I vote for Live-In Sex Partner That I Happen to be Madly in Love With. It has a nice ring to it.
    xo
    Kym
    bitty.and.bunny

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  46. Lol I never felt weird about using the term boyfriend until I got engaged. I mean Rob and I had been together for 7 years so everyone already knew we were more than just "dating" at that point. I guess sometimes I'd refer to him as my significant other? I mean juuuuuust sayinnnnn fiance sounds pretty nice, VDizz... just sayin.

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  47. Nothing wrong with saying boyfriend! Then again, I'm single, so saying boyfriend without "ex" in front of it would be a nice change. But seriously, call him a piece of meat, and call it a day :)

    ^^ reason #1276 why I'm single.

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  48. We still say boyfriend/girlfriend and we are in our 19th year of being together and already HAD a baby this year! There is no better word, unfortunately. Although, I admit, sometimes I say fiance if I am talking to a government agency or someone who might take the term "boyfriend" too lightly. ;-)

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