Wednesday, September 25, 2013

My Non-existent Wedding.

(Disclaimer to The Dizzle: Perhaps you shouldn't read this post as it contains many o' wedding talk. Consider yourself warned.)

It's happened.

I've become the creepy girlfriend who has created a Pinterest Board on wedding stuff when an actual wedding is nowhere in my near future.

And I've even titled it, "My Non-Existent Wedding."



I don't know what's come over me. I feel like this seems so sad and pathetic.

But I can't help it! I'm at the age now where weddings and engagements are happening at every corner! I mean, basically every week I can guarantee that Facebook will be updating me on yet another engagement or wedding that has taken place. Just this week at work, I heard several high-pitched squeals from an entire department as one girl showed off her newly acquired bling that was given to her the night before. On a picnic. At sunset. If you must know.

It's all around me and it just won't stop!

What is it with women and weddings? What's with all the fascination? How have we come to this place in society where this one day has erupted into something so ginormous? It's no longer just walk down the aisle, say 'I do,' and be on your merry way. It's now all about the dress, the flowers, the decor, the music, the drinks, the food, the location, the party favors, the photo booth, the photographer, the videographer, the DJ, and so on and so forth!

The other week, I sat, mouth agape, as two friends were telling me the difference in chairs. CHAIRS! Like - the thing you sit on while you eat at a reception and never think twice about as a guest? Before that conversation, I never would have thought twice about chairs being a thing. I would have just been like, "Yes. Yes I would like chairs for people to sit on, thank you and good day." But now it's like, Chiavari, what?? And that costs HOW MUCH?!

You see, friends, I'm a little bit torn.

Thing is, since I was little, I always dreamed of having a beautiful, elaborately planned wedding that was magical and deemed wedding of the year!! But, truth be told, as I'm getting older, I'm also very tempted to just hop on a plane, climb to the top of a volcano in Bali, or something equally as cool, say our vows, and be on our merry way. Or, ya know, I could court house it too. No fuss. No hassle. Just a special day for me and my love to make this commitment together and who cares if there's steak or chicken or a buffet involved and maybe there won't even be a single chair in sight!?



Sooooo, TELL MY WHY, just yesterday, I somehow spent an embarrassingly long time looking through someone's online wedding album. Someone who I have not seen nor spoken to in over 4 years. I've never met his wife. We were barely friends as it is. And yet, there I was, spending way more time than I'd like to admit, scrolling through photo after photo of their dream wedding. I mean, really.

And now look at me.... A Pinterest Board?!

It's quite baffling to me. And here I am, writing this long-ass blog post about weddings, when, like I said, it's not even something that needs to be worried about in the slightest! Do you see a ring on this finger?! No.

But, I guess I'm just curious...

So - - To all you married ladies (or want to be/soon to be married ladies) out there: What kind of wedding did you have and would you change anything if you had to do it all over again? Is a big hype of a day, costing 10's of thousands of dollars worth it? Or is something low-key just as great and memorable?

Ready. Set. Go!

xoxo


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48 comments:

  1. First of all, I even pinned wedding stuff after I got married, so I'm not sure what that even means!! We had a low key, camp wedding. I don't know the grand total but it was $10,000 or less for the whole wedding and I wouldn't change it for the world. We got married at a campground I visited with my family as a child and it was totally our style. I know most people might have thought we did a cheap wedding because we couldn't afford a nicer one, but honestly, even if we could have this would have still be the perfect wedding for us! You can see pics on my blog: http://www.aileenbarker.com/2011/12/our-wedding/

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  2. Truthfully while planning a wedding was so stressful and annoying dealing with family and such, in the end, I was so glad that we had a small wedding with our family and friends to celebrate with. I wouldn't change a thing! :)

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  3. Elope, it was too stressful and costly!

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  4. Mine was super inexpensive and simple yet beautiful. I wouldn't have it any other way. I cannot believe the amount of debt that some people go into for their wedding. Way to start off a marriage on the right foot. Pshh.

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  5. It's not worth it if you go over your budget. Unless you are rich; then who cares....and you probably didn't have a real budget to begin with. For me it was wanting to have close friends and family there but then feeling bad about the prospect of inviting them to a backyard BBQ. You can't do that. So we did the whole shebang on a small scale. I loved every minute of planning and it was the wedding I never dreamed I would have. Not that I didn't want one. I just never dreamed of it because I assumed it would never be something I could afford. I am SO glad I had a wedding. One of the happiest days of my life.

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  6. My boyfriend's little sister follows me on Pinterest so I made my non-existent wedding board a secret one. Totally locked down. I don't need his family thinking I'm a nutjob... even if i am.

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  7. I'm like you...I'm very torn. I have been with my boo for 3 years and I'm 27 so it seems like the logical next step, but its not really in the distant future (that I know of). And I used to dream about a huge wedding. The buffet, the flowers, the location...not so much the chairs but the rest of it was there. Now I'm kind of leaning towards spending a tiny amount to have a small ceremony with close family and friends and perhaps maybe a big ole party just to celebrate, but nothing fancy and then take all that saved money for the honeymood. Sounds good to me!

    I think it's normal to picture what your wedding will be like and even have a pinterest board for it. Nothing wrong with get some ideas or pinning pretty things!

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  8. When I was planning my wedding I was blown away by all the choices too! Upgraded chairs, upgraded linens, upgraded florals, etc etc. I almost had a heart attack when I got an estimate back for our centerpieces for over $3k. "THREE THOUSAND? Are you effing kidding me!" is what I screamed in my mind sitting across from the florist. But I digress... our biggest thing was having a fun celebration with people who actually mean something to us. No distant second cousins thrice removed because of protocol. Open bar was not even a question (I am also a fellow wino) but all of the extra frou-frou decor, favours, cake toppings, photobooth details... it was exhausting. If you're interested I wrote a post a few months ago sharing 10 tips I learned from planning my wedding, you can check it out here >> http://bit.ly/15W0v31

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  9. I have a lot of friends who just decided to go to Vegas, and get married. I'm not sure if I want that or not. But since I'm single, I don't have a real opinion on it.

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  10. Honestly, the fiance and I have been thinking about eloping and then having a house party with friends and a seperate house party for family. At least that's where we are now. What's crazy is that our family members who we've told the idea to ... They hate it lol. So we'll see... We've still got two years to go before we legalize it all :)

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    1. Eek! Sorry to barge in on your comment. I wanted to tell you my sister in law and brother in law eloped and said they loved it! They saved a lot of money and they said it was stress-free because no one's opinions were involved. They went down to Vegas and told their siblings, so they partied with their siblings and then went and had a surprise eloping.

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  11. ha ha ha! Ma-shell. You are so funny. I didn't have pinterest until a few months before the wedding, and I felt ripped off! I seriously LOVED my wedding, most everyone that I spoke to have some regrets, but I honestly do not have any. We had a 2 day wedding, so we got married Friday with only our family and really close friends at the ceremony and had a catered dinner. Then on Saturday we did a reception, there was no stress and everyone had stayed the night, so we didn't have that awkward transitional time. I know a 2 day wedding is a lot of work and seems daunting but we loved it. Plus it's the one wedding no one will stop talking about. Seriously we just hit our 2 year anniversary and I still get calls/emails asking about vendors we used all the time. I don't mean to boast and brag (kind of I do) but I LOVED my wedding! :)

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  12. We had a huuuggeee wedding, which was absolutely not what I ever pictured. My in laws, however, wanted it big, and I loved every moment of it. The fact that it wasn't always my dream made me less stressed about each and every detail, and being able to include all my friends made it a lot of fun to talk about and plan. I wouldn't change a thing... except that i'd have my ceremony later then 4pm, because the beginning of the day felt rushed and the reception was a billion hours long. Even a total party animal gets tired on her wedding day!

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  13. We have a little more than 4 months to go until our big day, 150 days to be exact! In the beginning the wedding planning was super fun. Now its getting stressful. Now I find myself obsessing over the stupidest things, chairs even. When who the heck even cares? AND WHY ARE WE SPENDING THIS MUCH MONEY?! And there are so many options out there to chose from, so many shoes, so many veils, so flower arrangements - how will I know which one is the right one?! Before I was engaged pinterest was my best friend, now I consider it the devil with all of the out of this world ideas that cost more money than we're willing to spend.

    But... it'll all be worth it in the end :) I hope.

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  14. Each of the 4 ceremonies Katie and I had were for friends and family. If it weren't for Katie's parents begging to handle(plan/pay for) everything we never would have messed with the ordeal. Now that I have a daughter that may one day get married to some slimy male that wants to stick his filthy paws on my little girl, I have to say I think her wedding will be a bigger deal for me than my own was. Making sure your child is being taken care of by a good person is a big deal for family. It's also a big part of maturity and the start of a new family, promising hope for a new generation. None of that has anything to do with how much you spend on the wedding, but everything to do with how much meaning it has and how special it is to the couple as well as those who love the couple.

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    1. Awww brother! :) I loved this comment. You're such a little softie now ;)

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    2. Such a sweet way to see it. I don't have kids but if I ever do, I can't wait for their wedding.

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  15. I hated planning my wedding. But I was 20 at the time. My parents somehow managed to throw the wedding of their dreams. lol. I need to blog about it soon. I don't regret it though because my Great Grandparents were there to watch us get married. My great grandfather was there and it was very symbolic. They were married over 70 years. How insane is that! It was beautiful BUT we plan to do it our way for our 10th anniversary in 3.5 years. :D It will be less people but very us and very special.

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  16. We did our entire wedding for only $3,000. Looking back 12 years later, I think I would have been just as happy with just a Vegas drive thru wedding or something simple on a beach. We would have been able to use that money for a romantic trip or even for our house! But whatever you choose, do what floats your boat!
    Kristin

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  17. Hahaha I am SINGLE and have always been and I have a wedding pinterest board. But, I mean, it is never too early to start dreaming! I don't think it is necessary to have a big huge expensive wedding. I think it can be beautiful and planned and cheaper. At least that is how mine will be. I don't want a big fancy shin dig that I will paying off for years and I really don't want a court house wedding or to go elope. That just isn't me. I think whatever fits each couple best is the right wedding to have.

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  18. i have a pinterest wedding board. my boyfriend's mom follows it and will text me when she sees an idea she likes. also, my boyfriend knows it exists but thinks it's kind of funny since i have been talking about wanting to elope.

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  19. I've been married 11 years now. In 2002, we had a 400+ person wedding/reception to the tune of around $35k. I can't even imagine what that would cost now.

    I think having the party of your dreams (realistic dreams) is the way to go. It was a fun day, full of family and friends, and we enjoyed starting off our lives as a couple with them all. I can't imagine not having them there when I said my vows. It was just important to have the support to us. As the mother to two boys, I won't have to worry too much about the cost of future weddings (I guess? Traditionally, this is on the girls parents - what what!), but I hope that I can participate some without pissing off my future daughter in law. I can't wait for the mother/son dances and I know I'll bawl my face off. I can't even think about it now without tearing up. These damn kids have made me soft.

    As far as what I would do different...scale down the guest list, buy a different dress and serve more BOOZE!!! hahaha My foodie side would take over and thing would have to be so much better on that end. At 20, all I cared about was drinking pink wine and eating cake, so those were the things I did. Cheers!

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  20. OMG we sound like we are in the exact same boat! I'm totally becoming one of those gf that's thinking about wedding when it is NOWHERE in sight. I think it's because all around us people are getting married and be having like baby XX already!

    I used to want a small but nice wedding and all but now I'm thinking just eloping or an extremely small destination wedding and have the money saved from the wedding go towards honeymoon or house!

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  21. I just got married back in April and did a destination wedding - there were just over 20 people and it was the best thing EVER. It was only a tiny bit stressful in the very beginning when I had to book everything for the trip (for certain rates, I had to have a minimum number of guests, yadda yadda)
    But other than that, planning was SUCH a breeze - and the cost difference, OH MY GOD. My friends who ended up having a bigger wedding locally paid more than double what I did. And frankly, I'd rather have the money for things like a house, or trips, or you know, to lay in or something. Just seems more useful to me!

    Also - destination wedding means you get a week with the people who matter most, rather than an evening with a TON of people (and some you hardly ever see!) and the resort plans EV-ER-Y-THING. I literally had a checklist, and very minimal options to choose from, making everything easy-breezy. And the best part was, we took another week for just the two of us. Seriously the best idea ever!

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  22. I'm single and I have a wedding idea board. The funny thing is I don't really want to have a wedding. When I get to the point in the relationship where my boyfriend wants to get engaged, I plan to ask him what his plans are in the next couple of weeks so we can just go ahead and head to the court house and get married. That's my plan for now at least. I can have a party for everyone else later. I suppose my boyfriend will have to have a say in it all too. lol

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  23. I totally feel your pain, I can't logon to facebook without seeing another engagement problem. It's so easy to judge my single life against other girls my age who are engage married or planning weddings, but I also think about all the girls who end up in unhappy relationships because they're more focused on a wedding than a marriage. I'd take being strong, single, and happy any day over waking up miserable everyday next to someone because you felt pressure to settle down.

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  24. Oh man. You probably shouldn't ask me this question. I am 100% anti-fancypants wedding. I planned one and it actually turned out to be a DISASTER thanks to a lying caterer and a fake DJ. It's a long story. But before our wedding we almost cancelled everything and eloped with just our parents and a friend or two. If I could do it over, I would elope in a heart beat, and not just because my wedding was crazy. The longer I'm married, the more I realize what a waste a fancy wedding is. The wedding just isn't important; the marriage is.

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  25. I had a small-for-my-family wedding- about 150 guests. We had both ceremony and reception at a hotel.

    My favorite part? It was a morning ceremony and a brunch reception, complete with an omelet bar, waffle station, and MIMOSAS. Yummy glorious mimosas!

    If I could do it over again, I would have kept it smaller. Initially I only wanted to invite parents, siblings (and their spouses and children), grandparents, and my uncles (and their spouses & children). It's the group of family I am the closest to. It still would have been about 50+ people.

    But other than that I would have kept everything the same. Except for wedding programs- not one was passed out due to me handing that responsibility to a teenage boy cousin. I would have done away with the wedding programs and wedding favors- no one really cared.

    If I could do it all over again, it would be a very small version of the actual day- just keep the mimosas flowing.

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  26. Kyle and I got married at The Viva Las Vegas wedding chapel with 13 people there. It was awesome and we wouldn't change a thing. :)

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  27. I got married in the days BP (before Pinterest) so that is a LOT that I would change about my wedding. A LOT. For one, the other day I was going through the closet in my old room at my moms house and I happened upon our wedding invitation. I about vomited. We picked them out of a book that my neighbor had because she sold them on the side and would give them to us at cost. It seriously looked like it was straight out of the 80's. And not in a retro-cool kind of way. I was horrified and immediately demanded answers from my sister in law as to why she would EVER let me do that. I am embarrassed. For two, my flowers were fake. They were from an online site that my cousin used for her wedding and her flowers looked amazing. Mine-not so much. They looked like they came from the clearance bin from the dollar tree. They were supposed to arrive 2 weeks before the wedding, and they didn't arrive until 2 days before the wedding. So by the time they got to my doorstep it was too late to go with a plan B. The lady had to overnight me new boutonnieres in the middle of a snow storm because they were actually falling apart when we opened the box. Awesome. For 3, my pictures suuuuuuuck. We used a family friend because we had to change the wedding date because my brother, who was a marine, told me he wasn't going to be able to come-a month and a half before the frickin wedding-and our original photographer wasn't available for the new date. The family friend actually can take nice pictures; mostly of nature though. So not only are our pictures pretty boring and sad, but she took them in the wrong resolution so I can't get anything printed larger than a 4x6. NOT. HAPPY. So my advice in a nut shell-spend the money, it's worth it. And make sure you do what YOU (and your fiancé) want. Tell everyone else to suck it!

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  28. Have a wedding...as small or as large as you want it. I didn't have one and have always regretted it. I wanted my daughter to have a wedding so I could try to make up for not having one myself. Plus, I LOVE weddings. They are the best occasions. Filled with love, laughter, dancing, drinking...fun. Have a wedding :)

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  29. I did the spontaneous eloping barefoot on a beautiful beach in Hawaii thing. The only thing I regret (sometimes) is not having my family there. I'm glad I went without all the fuss, though.

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  30. I'm not married and don't even particularly want to be, but I think it makes perfect sense for you to be making a Pinterest board for your wedding. It's similar to someone making a board for a dream vacation or a dream house... doesn't mean you necessarily must or will have all that, but it is fun to play around with!

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  31. I am the weird girl who has never been interested in weddings. If I know that someone is getting married my only question is: "Wow....Where are you going on your honeymoon?" All my budget for my "non-existing -wedding" is going into plane tickets, no chairs, no dress, no cake, I don't even need a groom for my " non-existing-wedding" ,but I as I've told you, I am weird.

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  32. I'm currently planning a wedding and let me tell you, it's not all it's cracked up to be. I think on the regular about what that money could actually do for us financially, but unfortunately I am one of those girls who insists I need a wedding day filled with flowers, chiavari chairs (they come included in the venue, don't worry), a live band, etc. When your time comes, you'll know what's right for you and dizzle :)

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  33. Our wedding cost $11,000, including everything (dress, etc). It was at a restaurant that rented out their rooms. We just did hors d'oeuvres & open bar on a Friday night. Everyone got drunk and danced and had a blast. The only thing I would change was that I, personally, would've eaten more beforehand so I didn't get so drunk :) We didn't have a professional photographer, just told a few friends to share their pics with us afterwards. Party favour: a lottery ticket for every guest. It was three months from engagement to wedding, and little to no stress. The most stressful part: deciding how many guests our parents could invite. The answer: 2 couples each :)
    Destination weddings are good too... :)

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  34. Elope! I wish I would have. Whatever you like now, whatever is in style now...you aren't going to like and it isn't going to by in style in 10 years. You'll most likely look back on it and say, "If I could do it over I would change all of it". If you elope you make it all about the two of you. Not just one of you. So many weddings are just about the bride (the groom usually doesn't care). Here is my advice: Buy "the dress" you love and always imagined yourself to wear and wear it wherever you want to get married (island or courthouse). When you return home, hire a kick-ass photographer to take gorgeous photos of you and your new husband. When I think about how much money we spent on that one day...I think...we could have taken a few people who mean the most to us with us on vacation for a week and celebrated EVERY. SINGLE. DAY for that amount of money!!

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  35. I have never been a wedding dreamer myself. It was never on the top of my list. I am married however and we did it in Mexico, on the beach with a small group of family and friends with us.I made sure that they all had drinks in their hands during the ceremony ( the guests were happy to oblige my request!). It was awesome. I have never regretted doing it that way. The only regret I have is not putting enough sunscreen on the day before we got married. I have the oddest sunburn pattern on my arms and back in my all my wedding pictures...of course I wore a strapless dress to get married in, awesome.Good times, good times.

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  36. We had an amazing wedding! But I stuck to what I wanted the whole time. We both don't like attention so we wanted a small wedding but a big party afterward so we only invited family and close friends to the wedding then had other people who are also important to us join us after at the reception. We both think the best part of a wedding is the party so in our opinions we were doing everyone else a favor:)

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  37. I'm a wedding planner by career. I'd have spent less money. But yeah I had a hidden board pre wedding

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  38. We've just been a couple for almost 19 years, no wedding in sight. We figure if it ain't broke, don't fix it!
    At this point it would just seem like a huge waste of money. We already have a house and a baby, better to put our money toward those things! haha But I do have plenty of wedding stuff pinned, it's so pretty! ;-)

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  39. We are getting married in February. I couldn't care less about the planning and would elope if I didn't think both sides of the family would disown us. He's the baby of seven and I'm the oldest and only daughter. We are having two ceremonies in two different countries. Considering the average cost is $20k for a wedding, we will probably end up spending about that much for the two celebrations.

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  40. You're just doing research. Imagine how overwhelming it would be if you waited until you actually were getting married to research all this stuff. You're really just helping yourself out. Right? lol

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  41. My fiancé and I are getting married next fall. We've been together almost 8 years, lived together for 5. I'm at that point where I want a beautiful wedding (I also have a Pinterest board I've been adding to for quite some time); however, because we've been together so long, I kind of want to just get it over with. That, and I can't imagine spending a crap load of money on something that's going to last a day-I'd rather spend it on our honeymoon! Our budget is pretty small, more once we figure out how much our parents are willing to pay, but we don't want to plan on that-we'd rather be surprised with the extra money :). Eloping, going on a two week honeymoon to Europe (that we'd be able to afford if we don't pay for a wedding!) and having a party when we get back sounds great. I'm having trouble though deciding because I keep thinking about how my family will feel if they're not invited. AND I want to have my people with me the morning of the wedding, but not everyone could afford to go if we eloped. And I'd have to find a hair dresser and photographer in the place we'd elope without ever meeting them before we travel there for our wedding. Tough one, very tough one. But, neither Tim or I like being the center of attention, so I think having a small ceremony, whether we decide to elope or not, will be our way to go.

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  42. I truly and honestly wanted to run off to vegas to get married. My whole life, my parents told me that if I did, they would cut me a check equal to what they would have spent on the wedding. SCORE! But when push came to shove, my husband and my mom ganged up on me and convinced me that we HAD to have a wedding. We had a very DIY vintage picnic themed wedding, and it was a blast, don't get me wrong; I would've been just as happy if a few of our friends and family members had met up with us in Vegas for a few days of fun and a quick ceremony at the Little White Chapel.

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  43. So.. I'm a little late.. but I wanted to share our story.

    We got married in 2010. We had a Roaring Twenties themed wedding. My wedding dress, bridesmaids dresses, mother's dress, and flower girl dress were all bought from unique-vintage.com and looked period accurate. Lots of money there, I tell ya what. We were married in Chandor Gardens - the gardens of a famous painter in DFW. Our wedding was beautiful and everything was detailed and themed.

    7 months later, we lost our house in the Texas wildfires. My amazing wedding dress was gone. I can't even tell you what it looked like any more without looking at a photo. But I do remember how I felt that day. Not because of the WEDDING, but because of HIM and what that day symbolized for us. I can't remember what people wore or what the center pieces looked like. But I remember holding his hand up there and crying and being the happiest I'd ever been.

    I say elope. :) If I could tell my then-self that there wouldn't be anything left to remember that day with, I would've just eloped with him and spent the money on a vacation instead. Memories are far more amazing than spending $300 on flowers or centerpieces. Or killing my hands DIYing.

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  44. So.. I'm a little late.. but I wanted to share our story.

    We got married in 2010. We had a Roaring Twenties themed wedding. My wedding dress, bridesmaids dresses, mother's dress, and flower girl dress were all bought from unique-vintage.com and looked period accurate. Lots of money there, I tell ya what. We were married in Chandor Gardens - the gardens of a famous painter in DFW. Our wedding was beautiful and everything was detailed and themed.

    7 months later, we lost our house in the Texas wildfires. My amazing wedding dress was gone. I can't even tell you what it looked like any more without looking at a photo. But I do remember how I felt that day. Not because of the WEDDING, but because of HIM and what that day symbolized for us. I can't remember what people wore or what the center pieces looked like. But I remember holding his hand up there and crying and being the happiest I'd ever been.

    I say elope. :) If I could tell my then-self that there wouldn't be anything left to remember that day with, I would've just eloped with him and spent the money on a vacation instead. Memories are far more amazing than spending $300 on flowers or centerpieces. Or killing my hands DIYing.

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  45. I married rather late, and I have always been overly practical. And I hate planning events. Too impatient for minutiae. So, we eloped to Las Vegas on New Years Eve, and got hitched. A few of our friends decided to join us, so it was a lot of fun. We spent the money on a 7 day glorious honeymoon in St. Lucia. No regrets. Would do it the same way all over again,

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