Monday, September 23, 2013

Co-sleeping will never be my cup of tea.

Oh, hi there.

Meet Max.

Max is Verner's, excuse me, The DIZZLE'S adorable little 3-year-old nephew.


Yes, that's right. That blonde hair, blue-eyed little boy is 1/4 Black. 

It truly amazes us all, too. ;)

We love Max. Max loves us. In fact, I think it's fair to say Max loves ME a little more than his Uncle Verner, but that's neither here nor there...

Anyway.

This weekend, we had AirBnB guests stay at our place, so we trekked down to Noe Valley to stay with The Dizzle's oh-so-gracious sister and brother-in-law and put in some quality family time, of course.

The guest bed that we sleep in is upstairs in Max's room, where he has his own little crib-turned-toddler bed thing as well. So, no biggie, the plan was to put Max to bed first, and then later that night, The Dizzle and I would quietly sneak into his room to go to bed ourselves.

Because I'm quite the visual person myself, I thought I'd draw up this extremely talented layout for you so you can visualize with me:


Okay. So. Now that you have your visual - we can move on with the story!

Around 8:30, bedtime stories were read, Max was put to bed, all was well.

Then, around 10:30pm (because we're now officially OLD people), The Dizz and I went upstairs to hit the hay as well.

Fast asleep and fast forward to 2:00am-ish, we wake up to hear this little pitter-patter of feet get up out of Max's bed, across the room, and then climbs up onto the bed.

Max looks at Verner, half-asleep, and says, "Daddy?"

To which Verner replies, "No, it's Uncle Verner."

Then Max plops down in-between us and says to me, "Mommy?"

And I say, "No, it's Michelle."

Then Max stares at us for about 0.2 seconds and promptly falls deep asleep, right square in the middle, with a deep, heavy sigh.

Here we are:


So again, no big deal. He's just so stinkin' cute, and he wanted to come cuddle in bed, fine. Let's all get back to a deep, restful sleep and dream of rainbows and butterflies!

Or how about let's NOT.

About an hour later, I get my first knee in the back.

A few minutes later, a slap to the face.

Followed by a kick in the butt.

It wasn't long before we found ourselves in this sleeping situation:


Just as I'm about to fall asleep again, squirm, squirm, squirm, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.

The final kick to the chest made me sit straight up in bed and say, gently, of course, "Okay, Max, I think it's time for you to go back to Max's bed now."

And without a word from him, he gets out of bed and pitter patters across the floor back to his bed!

Well shoot, if I knew it was that simple, I would have done that an hour earlier!

But no, my friends, it was not quite that simple.

Precisely one minute later, I hear, "Michelle?" (Except he says it in this super adorable way that sounds like this: 'Mah-sell?")

"Yes, Max?"

"I need my bwanket."

"Okay, where is it?"

"Down there."

'Down there,' turns out, was at the foot of his bed and he needed help pulling it up over him.

So out of bed I got, thumped my way across the floor, and tucked him in.

One minute later, I hear, "Mah-sell?"

(I told you he likes me better.)

"Yes, Max?"

"I have to go potty."

"Okay, you can get up and use your potty."

Pitter patter - potty time on his little potty - back to bed.

Just as I thought all was well for us at 3 IN THE MORNING, I hear again, "Mah-sell?"

"Yes, dear, darling, sweet child, Max, what can I do for you?"

"I need my flashlight."

Flashlight? Huh? What flashlight? What is this child doing?! Is he sleep talking?

Oh, nope. There's a flashlight there. And because I can't possibly say no to this little one, I give him the flashlight.

To which he spends the next 30 minutes, until he passes out, doing this:


In case you can't tell what my professional drawing is portraying, it is beams of light directly into my EYES as he performs shadow puppets on my face.

I contemplated taking the flashlight away, I truly did. But I mean, what if playing shadow puppets with his flashlight in bed at night is his one childhood memory that sticks with him for life and I just went and took that away?! I couldn't...I wouldn't...I didn't...

So, finally, slowly, we all went to sleep.

And in the morning, as I awoke puffy eyed and delirious from my lack of sleep, that's when I knew.

Co-sleeping will never be a part of my life.

I don't care if the internet portrays it to be magical and intimate like this:



You can't tell me THIS is magical or intimate in any way, shape, or form:

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

And a note to you, dear, sweet Max, I look forward to our slumber parties to come, I truly do. But next time, I'll come with some extra padding to absorb the blows from your forceful uppercuts and knee jabs. ;)

Love, Mah-sell

xoxo


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32 comments:

  1. Max is precious and what an adorable, funny story.

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  2. HAHA this is way to cute though!

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  3. haha. i have no children or nieces/nephews but i can only imagine. they're so cute but yeah - their own bed is probably much better!
    -- jackie @ jade and oak

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  4. Mah-sell? Too cute! Loved this!!

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  5. This was so funny...and sweet. I don't think co-sleeping is ever as magical as people make it appear lol. At least it never has been for me! Anytime our son has been afraid at night and climbed in our bed I end up on the couch. Children don't seem to know how to NOT move around like thrashing animals while the sleep =)

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  6. Co-sleeping is for crazy hippies! hahaha Both of my chillren's were kicked out of our room at 3-4 weeks, and that was them sleeping in a bassinet far away from my bed. No thanks! Too loud. Momma needs her sleep unless you want me to go bat-shit crazy from things like flashlights in the eyes hahaha.

    Max is super adorable, though...as long as he stays in his bed. :)

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  7. You only need the kids there are long as they're breast feeding (so says the girl with no kids!) and then kick those little suckers out! But seriously, that cosleeping picture is freaking me out.

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    1. What, you don't like the naked mom who's upside down next to the baby and her naked husband??? haha

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  8. this is glorious. not for you, but for me and max it is.

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  9. I've tried to sleep in the same bed as my niece before...she's 2 and a half. But that girl is like a damn tornado in her sleep- she is all over the place and has the boniest elbows and knees.

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  10. it's amazing how such a tiny body can take up so much room, right? they always end up starfished across the bed! i never thought i'd co-sleep either, but then i had a baby and i became a human pacifier, so cuddling all night allows for the best sleep. never say never! ;-)

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    1. Okay, okay, I'll never say never for a BABY in my bed, because yes - boobies and babies all night long usually go together. But when they are able to drop kick me in the face, I think it's time to go. ;)

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  11. So funny and yet I totally agree. Except my co-sleeping issues are with the fiance; he's a blanket stealer. I can only imagine how crazy it would get if we added a child to the mix ... Hence, why I have no plans for kids for another 4-5 years lol. p.s. your photoshop skills are the best ;)

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  12. cracking up!!! but honestly, there is nothing worse than getting your ass kicked by a little kid sleeping. do all of their dreams involve boxing?!

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  13. Co sleeping is cool until they stop liking to be swaddled. Then it sucks. Shared a bed with Boomer a few weeks ago. She's my kid, but dang it if her joints aren't like knives. YIKES.

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  14. Co-sleeping isn't even a pretend thought in my mind. Why? Because I don't even like sleeping in the same bed as K. I loooooove sleeping alone. I need a king sized bed. That will solve all problems.

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  16. You are quite possibly the greatest storyteller of all time. I'm just sayin...

    Also, Max is adorable. And I will never understand why toddlers think its ok to turn sideways while sleeping. I've ended up with feet in my ribs too. It's not a good time!

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  17. Seriously funny! I love your illustrations. I could never co sleep with my child when he was little. His body was ALL OVER THE PLACE and I woke up cracking bones! So happy he slept in this own bed around 2 months. Co sleeping wasn't for me haha.

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  18. That is so freakin' adorable!
    I have never co-slept with a toddler.
    I used to sleep with my niece and nephew as much as I could when they were babies because they were soooo warm on my chest. I LOVED it.
    The kicking and punching, though? Eek. Smh.
    Britt @ One&20

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  19. That is so freakin' adorable!
    I have never co-slept with a toddler.
    I used to sleep with my niece and nephew as much as I could when they were babies because they were soooo warm on my chest. I LOVED it.
    The kicking and punching, though? Eek. Smh.
    Britt @ One&20

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  20. That is so freakin' adorable!
    I have never co-slept with a toddler.
    I used to sleep with my niece and nephew as much as I could when they were babies because they were soooo warm on my chest. I LOVED it.
    The kicking and punching, though? Eek. Smh.
    Britt @ One&20

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  21. hahaha this post made my night. I am not sure I will ever co-sleep with my future children either. It just sounds like a pain and not like magical wonderful bonding time. Nope. Kiddies stay in their own bed. And your drawings were awesome.

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  22. This gave me a good laugh before bed! \i love your stories!!! They are always so awesome!! <3

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  23. Kids are huge bed hogs. They are the smallest person in the bed, yet they manage to take up the most space! While I was visiting my brother he had me stay in the baby's room while the baby slept with my bro and his wife. That baby is four months old, and he STILL managed to hog the bed!

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  24. Awww what a cute nephew! Never say never Mah-sell. You'd be surprised what you actually agree to as a parent :P

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  25. haha those illustrations were super cute! At first I was like, alright 1 bedroom, 2 beds, no need for the diagram, but with your storytelling skills by the time you were at the flashlight pic I was laughing out loud! Co-sleeping (with kids and pets) is not for me either!
    www.the-lifestyle-project.com

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  26. i'm so enjoying reading your story and the drawings are just too cute! xo josephine

    www.joselovincolors.com

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  27. He seems like the sweetest little guy! But those are my thoughts exactly on co-sleeping!

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  28. Haha, I love the pictures! You crack me up Mah-sell!

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  29. Ha ha! This was too cute and made me laugh! Thanks for that! -Jessica L

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