Tuesday, August 6, 2013

History NOT repeating itself.


Popularity in the work place. Let's talk about that, shall we?

I don't know about you, but I've never really had a hard time making friends. I'm a super social person, I like being around people, and I like having fun. Growing up in school (granted there were only about 12 other people in my class at all times), I felt like I had a lot of friends, great friends in fact. In college, I was thrown in an apartment with 3 other girls and we became fast friends. On top of that, I started my first "real" job at good ol' Abercrombie and Fitch, and well, when you're surrounded by a bunch of fellow 18 year old's and you're all looking to party and drink Jagermeister, it's easy to feel like you have a million friends at all times. Lonely? You don't have time to feel lonely!

After college, I started my first real "professional" office job in a new city, not knowing a soul. But, after a few weeks or so, I quickly made friends at work and soon my weekly social calendar was once again full to the brim!

Fast forward through that receptionist job at that one hair salon in Orange County, my days as a personal banker working at Wells Fargo, and then my last office job in San Diego: I made friends at all of those places. Good friends. Great friends. Some life-long friends.

But then, something happened.

I went on a 6-month long "real-life" hiatus. I quit my job. I said goodbye to my friends. I packed up my life and I went and traveled without anyone near except The Dizzle. Sure, there'd be the occasional email or Skype call with friends. Perhaps they'd read my blog every now and then to get caught up on my whereabouts. There'd be the Social Media comment here and there to touch base and say, "Hey, I'm thinking about you." But other than that, there wasn't much social interaction. It was me and The Dizzle. Which yes, of course, was amazing and I'm so happy we did that.

But a girl needs her girls, am I right or am I right?

A girl's got to have that outlet. That outlet where you talk about boys and sex and life and love and hair and nails and vaginas and yes, I said vaginas, and let's have more wine because we can, and let's hug and say how much we love each other, and you're the best, and if I was a lesbian, you'd so be my girlfriend, and, wait, was that just me?

Anyway. Moving back to The States, I was very much looking forward to having that back; that girl time I was missing so much. And I figured, well shoot, here I am going to a new city again, so this might take a bit of time. But! Once I get a job, I'll have girls knocking down my doors wanting to be besties!

Piece. of. cake.

No, Michelle. Not a piece of cake. Not a piece of cake at all. It's the opposite of cake. It's....what's the opposite of cake?

You'd think coming into a workplace that is 99% female would offer you friends a-plenty!

But no.

This is how I feel almost every day:


See me? I'm the Asian up there. And those guys? Well, just imagine that they're women. But you see me? That pained and frustrated look being left out of the loop? That's me! And see how much those "gals" are having fun, whispering, laughing, gossiping about whatever it is girls these days gossip about?

Not fun. Not fun at all.
Especially when the majority of your LIFE is spent in this place of work.
5 days a week.
9 hours a day.

(Do I sound desperate enough yet?)

So here's the thing - - I can either chalk it up to:

A) Just see this place as a workplace only. That's it. I come here to work, I do a good job, I'm nice and cheerful, I get paid, I go home. Be thankful for the new friends you've made outside of work (which, I am, I really am - you know who you are) and accept that you don't always have to be friends with every single person you come in contact with.

OR

B) Just be patient. You haven't even been at your new job for 2 months! Give it time. They'll come to realize just how AMAZING you are and you'll be invited to happy hour every night of the week!

OR

B) I should just get knocked up, because it seems the moment you do, a herd of fellow pregnant women and/or Mom's flock to you and become your new best friends.

See? That could be me. On the right. The redhead who wears yellow. Don't I look so happy with my new pregnant friends?


So there you have it.

I'm 27 years old and I feel like I'm 12 again. Except not. Because when I was 12, I had way more friends and was way more popular.

Maybe I should get braids again? I'm pretty sure this was in the height of my popularity in life.


P.S. I'll never get tired of showing this photo. Never.

xoxo


PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket Photobucket

34 comments:

  1. Making friends when you're grown up IS harder! Since college and moving to a bigger city, it's crazy. I have always been surrounded by people two...and now I feel like a guy having to ask a girl on a date if I want to try to be friends with someone. I haven't quite figured it out, so I just go to my hometown and hang out with my high school friends. La-hoo-zer.

    It did however give me some insight into how tough it is for guys to approach girls. Ha!

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  2. It will get better. The older we get the harder it can be to make friends I've found. I work in the same industry hun, and I was expecting with all these girls to just buddy up immediately. Because well I'm awesome. It took a few months and in all honestly there is a small handful I'm friendly with outside of work. The rest? We make small talk and work well together but they aren't my buddies. Give it some time, you'll find some work buddies soon!

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  3. i think you and dizz should join a co-ed team. i joined co-ed kickball through meetup.com when i moved to a new town and made a TON of friends. :)

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  4. It's sooo hard to make friends as an adult. Not fun.

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  5. Making friends is definitely one of those things that gets harder as you get older. As Katie said- join a fun team! When I first moved I started going to a lot of weekly events (read quiz nights at local bars) with a friend or two. people start conversations when they recognize you from the weeks before... and I think the alcohol helps.

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  6. Making friends as an adult can be really difficult! I moved from America to the UK and my first few months as an expat were really rough! I just didn't understand why I wasn't making friends. At home, during college, at work in America I NEVER had a problem finding friends. But then one day it just clicks and you do! xx

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  7. making friends as an adult is so hard! especially in a new city! i have learned that some jobs you have great friends and others you just have coworkers. i would say to try to win them over with cookies, but it doesn't seem like they are the type that would actually eat cookies. that is sad because cookies are awesome, just like you.

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  8. My office is small and I don't hang out with anyone outside of work that I work with. We all get along good at work but that's where it ends. Your job sounds clique-ish. They are possibly the ones acting like 12 year olds.

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  9. It is definitely harder when you are older. I work with a bunch of old people, so I have no friends here :(

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  10. It's so much harder making new friends as we get older. Thankfully when I moved to SF, a friend from college helped me get a job at her office so I didn't have to deal with that at work. But it's so hard not to feel left out. It sounds like the other women at work are very cliquey and rude. i'm in the city, we can meet for happy hour anytime!!

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  11. Girl, I feel you! I don't even have a job where I can make friends haha I hang out with a one year old all day! It's really hard making friends at our age! I totally know what you mean about needing that girl time - I miss it! If I still lived in SF, we'd for sure be besties! =)

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  12. you are SO not alone! i think every i know (including me) has struggled with this, especially starting a new job. two months isn't much time, so hopefully your co-workers will start warming up.

    if not, maybe someone new will get hired and you'll click. wishing you luck!

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  13. It is hard making new friends when you aren't in a school-type setting. Feeling left out is the worst. However, I will talk about the other side of that - the side where work is your life and all of your friends are work friends and all you talk about is work, work and what shit happened at work. I was there...so intertwined I couldn't see out. I completely lost sight of myself and what was important to me, and let what others thought was important dictate my life. I'm not saying "don't make friends at work", because that is stupid. You need to have relationships, its the only way of surviving the workday. I'd just focus on building your life outside of work first. I love that I have friends who do so many different things, and that we can talk about a million different topics instead of the same people doing the same shit over and over again. Once you have that, I bet the work relationships will grow. They will see your happiness about lots of things and want to be apart of that, too. Give it time, I bet things will turn around soon. :)

    And if not, you could truly get knocked up. Insta-friends! They come with a lot of crappy opinions, though, so beware. :)

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  14. haha pretty sure when i get knocked up, i will lose more friends than i make. i have somehow gathered some very anti-child-having ladies for friends, and here i am, the baby-crazy one. i overthink my friend situation once a week. at least. it took me almost a year at my current position to have what i consider real work friends, so patience is key mamacita. want to have a skype wine date with me and commiserate? we can each have our own bottle!

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  15. is there an app or dating site for reals post college?! besides being friends with bloggers that live in other states?!

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  16. Maybe it's because I had a baby super young (actually that's probably definitely it), but I have no pregnant/mom friends and it stinks! Hopefully whenever you have a baby you will, because for some reason, the only thing moms really want to talk about is their kid. So my other friends just get bored by me.

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  17. It's definitely harder to make friends as an adult. I've always had an easy time making friends...until we got stationed in Italy. I swear it's a whole new breed of women that end up here. I just don't connect with them. I feel like I need to get pregnant too so I can make mommy friends since that seems like an automatic in. So dumb.

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  18. My job is just that. A job. I thought it might be different when I first started but then I realized that it wasn't going to happen. I think part of it is the environment I work in and part of it is they just aren't that friendly. I'd rather not waste my time trying. Instead I go to happy hour and can say whatever I want and drink as much as I want without anything getting around the office. On that note, I totally propose a happy hour in SF!

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  19. I definitely know what you mean. It is SO much harder as we get older to make girlfriends. People are at different stages in their lives, they have their clique of friends, etc. I don't work in an office, so I can't relate on that level but I also think that it has a lot to do with SF. It is just how it is here. I think that just giving it time, or maybe even planning a happy hour or a mani/pedi with a girl who you think you could be friends with? Maybe you all will laugh about this in 6 months, how they were cold and unfriendly to you when you started. Maybe its some sort of unspoken hazing thing? :) Regardless, we definitely need to plan more things with the blog girls. It has been fun getting to know you and all of them so far.

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  20. I am in the same situation, dude. We moved here like 7 months ago and all of my husband's coworkers and all of my coworkers are older than us and we don't share anything in common so we have NO friends. I'm at the point where I may start walking up to normal people our age in Target and beg them to hang out with me.

    val
    www.daily-distraction.com

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  21. I've been worried about this lately because I'm graduating soon! What if every day I'm just coming home and rocking out with Netflix? AHHH. There isn't even a Dizzle in my life. Whatever. I'm not stressing.

    Michelle @ Mishfish13

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  22. I think the braids will do the trick!

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  23. love the braids! and, I've been at my current job for over 2 years and don't have any "friends" there. we chat at work and are cordial but that's about it. sometimes I think it would be nice if I had work friends but oh well. leaves more time for being awesome outside of work!
    -- jackie @ jade and oak

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  24. Well that's taken me back to the 4 primary schools I went to and wondering every time if I would be liked or asked to join in with girls who had already known each other for years.

    It's hard, it makes you insecure, it makes you want to be on your own. The other thing is, these people already know each other, you are the outsider and being nice and polite is enough to let them decide if they want you in their clique or not.

    Your point about whether you want to keep work for work is a good one and one you should think about. If you went out with the girls, had a few drinks, revealed something you didn't want them knowing, or gossiped about other people at work, it could be a VERY difficult situation the next day and may get someone fired.

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  25. girl, you can be my BFF. We need to leave nearby and happy hour all day err day.

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  26. It is seriously so hard to make adult friends! Why? Probably because walking up to someone who is wearing the same sparkly shoes as you are and asking them to come to your birthday is weird when we aren't 5 anymore, but seriously?! I feel so lonely sometimes because even though I do have work friends, we can totally get on each others nerves and it's hard to go do fun things because we can't both call in sick, or both leave early for a concert or game...naw what I'm sayin? My BFFs and I all moved away in the last couple of years, but now I'm back home and feeling like I'm in a funk. Hence, why I am constantly checking craigslist for SF rooms and jobs. I really do just need to make the plunge and do it. I love SF and need to finish school and be a "real" adult again! You'll find some great girlfriends soon, definitely just give it time :)

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  27. I'm from the Bay Area and lived in Orange County for a few years in my early twenties. I had a hard time making friends in so cal, I think mainly because we are wired so differently. Hang in there! I left so cal with only a handful of friends but they were totally quality over quantity and I still am in touch with all of them and we do visits frequently.

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  28. I've blogged about this topic more than once...making girlfriends as an adult in a new city is tough. When I left san diego I left the best circle of friends ever, it's been over 3 years and I'm still trying to develop close girl relationships. I told my hubby...i just need to talk with someone who bleeds once a month too. :)

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  29. you perfectly described a typical night with the girls...

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  30. I relate to this blog so well! Moving to Indiana from NY was so hard because I have the bestest friends back home. Now I live in a super small town and I miss having girl times so much. A girl needs her girls!

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  31. It took about 4 months before I started making office friends. Office life is weird.

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  32. ugh. i feel you girl, I literally just wrote a post about this topic today. I've been at my current job for about a year and I don't have anyone I'd consider a friend. There are people I hang out and grab lunch with but no one I'd want to hang out with on the weekends, which is the complete opposite of my old job where I still keep in touch with a number of people.

    Have you tried meetup.com? I met some of my closest friends through that site, or any social sports?

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