Wednesday, July 31, 2013

The Terrible Two's?


Today, I'm going to talk about relationships. Well, my relationship, to be specific.

For the first year of The Dizzle's and my "courtship," I can truthfully tell you that it was basically rainbows and butterflies 99% of the time. I mean, it's not like we were the couple that practically made babies in public or anything, but yeah, easy breezy. And yeah, sure, there were the occasional "talks" that weren't always filled with hugs and kisses, but, in a nutshell, we just didn't fight or argue. We just weren't those people.

I can think of maybe one "serious" conversation that happened around the 6 month mark that involved discussing the difference between saying "I love you" and "I'm in love with you." To me, it was one in the same. To him, so I learned that night, was not.

Tears ensued, I was your typical emotional girl filled with insecurities, blah blah blah. But the next day, we talked it through, worked it out, and came out even stronger.

During the next year of our relationship, I can pretty much say the same. We never had the kind of relationship where we would raise our voices at each other. If one of us was feeling particularly sensitive about something, we'd talk about it until we felt better. We've always been pretty good about listening and hearing what the other needs to say.

For the entire 6 months of traveling the world together and being around one another 24/7, I can tell you that it definitely made us stronger as a couple. But again, everything was pretty much fine and dandy with one another. I can think of one instance in Rome where again, I brought up our relationship and "our future", and when I didn't hear exactly what I was hoping to hear, things went downhill quickly.

Alcohol-infused tears ensued, I was being your typical emotional girl filled with insecurities, blah blah blah. But the next day, we talked it through, worked it out, and came out even stronger.

So there you have it. In the first two years of our relationship, things really have been pretty amazing, even-keeled, and compatible. It was almost unreal to me, because trust me, in all other relationships I've been in, it was definitely not like that. Ooooh boy, was it not.

But anyway, let's talk about year two, which just officially started as of July 3rd, this month. By no means is anything "terrible," as the title of this post may suggest. But I will say that there have definitely been more "scuffles" in this past month than I can remember ever happening before. Nothing outrageous or life-changing, but enough to make me sit back and think, "What the hell is going on with us?" For example, yesterday was the first day in our entire 2-year relationship where I felt the need to attempt the silent treatment. The silent treatment?! What am I, 16 again? And let me just tell you, attempting the silent treatment in a tiny ass studio is not very easy. There's nowhere to go! I'm sitting on the bed, and he's 10 feet away at the kitchen table. I mean, how long can you really hold that up?

Part of me wonders if this is just something that happens around the 2 year mark? Maybe you start getting more comfortable and stop putting on your best behavior all the time?

Part of me wonders if it's just an adjustment period that comes along with moving in together for the first time?

Part of me wonders if it's just an adjustment period. Period. I mean, come on, there we were, having the time of our lives, traveling the world. So of course, what the heck do we have to fight about? We're in paradise, for crying out loud! Then, that time of our life ended. Then, we came back to the "real world" and had to get grown-up jobs and pay the rent and bills and have responsibilities instead of frolicking, hand-in-hand, on a beach every day.

Point is: I absolutely think it's true what they say. Relationships take work. This morning (or was it last night?), The Dizz and I were laying on the bed (because we still don't have that stupid couch), talking, and I told him that. I said, relationships take work. I don't care how amazing or healthy the relationship is, it's going to take time, effort, patience, and work.

But I think that's a good thing.

It's when someone gives up and doesn't want to work anymore that I think raises a red flag...

So. With that said. If there's anyone in this world that I want to put in the work with, well, that's just a no-brainer, right there. ;)

Love you, Boo. You da best. Seriously. Thanks for being so patient with me. :)


xoxo


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27 comments:

  1. Probably just an adjustment. Period. I think we all have those. My boyfriend and I had been dating for a year a half while he was living in Georgia and I was in Missouri. He was in the Army. When he came back, it was BAD. Probably for about 6 months. Probably due to me being a little too dramatic about things. But still. Bad. Anyways, we're at two and a half years, have been living together for 3 months, and haven't fought in quite a while.

    You're right. You have to work on things and you always will have to. As long as you're both invested in it, you guys will be fine! :)

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  2. All relationships take 'care'. I dont like to say work. I feel like maybe if you have to 'work' that hard its not right, but thats a whole other discussion. I think you guys are going through a definite period of adjustment. You just globe trotted for six months. Now you have to come back to full time jobs, and monthly bill, and family ect. I think the fact that you're facing it head on speaks volumes about you though. Instead of ignoring it you're saying 'hey whats going on here' and like you said before I'm sure you'll talk and work through it and come out stronger. (Because I am hoping against hope that you guys make some adorable mixed babies somewhere (far?) down the line....I mean we seriously are the cutest ;p)

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  3. Definitely an adjustment. It happens. My boyfriend and I just had a baby, and it has definitely taken some adjustment in our relationship. Whether its a big or small change, we all need time to adjust and it can definitely cause fights because you're not used to those situations.

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  4. living with a boy is a big step especially when you're tackling the real world together (womp womp) but like you said, they just take a little work, but the good thing is, it never has to feel like a job. if it gets to that point, then maybe rethink the relationship ;)

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  5. I am known to give the silent treatment on occasion (together 6 years, married almost 3.)

    And I agree - relationships take work. Work is defined as, "Physical or mental effort or activity directed toward the production or accomplishment of something," and that's exactly it - making an effort to make the relationship work. We can't sit back and expect everything to fall perfectly into place just as we'd like it. While it might do that on it's own in the beginning, things change - life, goals, jobs, living situations, etc - changing the dynamics of a relationship which isn't a bad thing, it's just growth.

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  6. Its definitely an adjustment and you have to remember that you guys just moved to a new city and are adjusting to that AND living together (it is different than just being together on vacation). I do think the honeymoon phase definitely wears off after a certain point and then its real life, real stuff that you have to work on. Its regular life. Its not fun all of the time, but its about how hard you are willing to work on it. I think you are just going through that adjustment phase right now, and just gotta roll with it. It happens to everyone but you will look back and realize you are stronger for it in another year or 2 years. We have been together for almost 4 years and it has NOT always been amazing. Not even close. And we have gone through a lot (moving to a new state together, moving back to CA, changing jobs) and it was hard and now we are fighting off the "you have been together so long, why aren't you guys engaged yet" questions which is really frustrating. My best advice is to just focus on your relationship but also just yourself and your work and friendships and everything else because I think half of the success of relationships is feeling content outside of your relationship.

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  7. Adjustment. Moving in together is a big adjustment. We were engaged when we moved in together and after 6 months broke off the engagement! But then got back together and have now been married for 4 years. Everything in a relationship takes time, consideration, adjustment and communication. You just have to remember to be patient or to be willing to apologize when you're not patient and should have been.

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  8. I enjoyed reading this, it was very interesting. I don't have any advice because I've never experienced that, so I wouldn't know. I know you will come out stronger every time, because you're both awesome! ;)

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  9. i always say that sometimes fights, talks are a good thing because it shows the peoeple have passion and care. if everyone is always silent and nothing is bad and there arent any talks, i think that is probably worse. when people are passionate about something, emotions come up.

    maybe thats just me?

    that being said im in a weird adjustment period with my manfriend too right now! we just moved in together in july. maybe thats what it is??

    -katie :)

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  10. I think this is completely normal. While B and I were dating, we never had fights and everything was all rainbow and sunshines, then we moved in together and things changed a little... then we got engaged and started having little scuffles. I also think stress brings out the worst in people (at least it did for me... oops). As long as you can work through it and become stronger in the end, you're golden. :)

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  11. Loving this post. Yes I too think it's totally normal. I just started year three...and it's well AWESOME. You will for sure get through year two and feel so strong!!!!

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  12. I can totally relate to this. Andrew and I moved in together earlier this year, we went from long distance, to living together. Talk about an adjustment period. Thankfully, it didn't last too long. Andrew is really good at communicating, and helps me open up and talk about things so we're on the same page. There was about a month of more bickering than ever before, and just testing each others patience. But like you said, relationships take work, and I know we're even stronger now. It took time learning how to be roommates, but once we had it figured out, it's been smooth sailing ever since. Of course it's still work, but we both think it's worth it, and I'm happier that ever. I guess what I'm saying is, it's just an adjustment phase, and things will get back to normal. And most likely, better than ever before!

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  13. Awww this gave me goosebumps - the fact that you wrote this just proves how much you love him! Every body goes through relationship stages, I remember my mom telling me that once, that her and my dad were in a 'lovey stage'. I was like, wha?? But now that I've been dating M.E. for awhile I totally get it. Somedays I am head over heels in love and somedays I don't want to see his face haha! We never yell or 'fight' but sometimes feelings do get hurt and I just want to be a chick and pout! We've learned to pick our battles and NOT to battle when there's alcohol involved, but even then we always know we love each other!

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  14. Totally normal and moving in together is a huge challenge. Sharing that responsibility is a big thing and it, sometimes even without even knowing, can wear on you... but in the end totally worth it and like you said, you'll come out on the other end stronger.

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  15. Eh, it's all part of being in a relationship!

    Adjustments happen all the time, even with no event (moving home, moving in together) as a catalyst.

    I've been known to give a mean silent treatment every now and then (we call it "stonewalling", b/c it's like talking to a stone wall). I'm stubborn so it takes a lot of work on my part to break through it and just get the communication flowing.

    I know a lot of folks don't like to say that relationships take work because when we think of work, we think of something difficult and tiring.

    Yes, they take work and care and intention- but it shouldn't be hard or difficult.

    I've known my husband for 10+ years and we've been married for 3. The lovey dovey feelings and butterflies WILL COME AND GO. But true love is making the conscious choice to love each other day in and day out no matter how we "feel".

    Ugh- sorry for the long tangent. I love relationships and commitment "talk", and in risk of sounding like a looney person, I'm happy for you and the Dizzle that you are aware of what a healthy relationship involves and that you're willing to work it out with the man you love!

    Her Heart Proclaims ♥ eMinistry

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  16. Love this! I hate when people complain about their relationship taking work. THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO TAKE WORK. Granted, I've mostly been rainbows and butterflies, but we've had a few scuffles and I've had to swallow my pride a lot lately. Plus, long distance is a ton of work too! But so so worth it!

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  17. This post is adorable! Thanks for sharing.

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  18. All relationships do take work. You have good days, bad days. Days when you can't bear the thought of not being with that person, days when you want to sucker punch said person in the throat.

    I have been with my hubs for 17 years. At the end of the day, we have more good days than bad. And the bad really isn't all that bad. The good is nowhere near our early courtship days of lovey dovey and butterflies.

    But we're a good team, and do coexist well. I'm glad I finally found someone worth the effort of all the "work" to keep the relationship going.

    Y'all are a cute couple :)

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  19. aw, I think its normal. Mainly coming off your amazing trip and dealing with the stress of "real life". But like you said, you want to do the work and thats what counts!

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  20. He is there to let you know what you still need to work on in yourself :) Welcome these "scuffles" as an opportunity for growth in, not only your relationship, but in yourself as well. Love you both!

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  21. Take it from a girl that got married at 20 and has been married for almost 6 years... It is definitely work sometimes. There are ups and downs but when you work through those downs together you become much stronger in the end.

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  22. I think arguments, or difficulties, are good (healthy ones.. obviously there are relationships where it's always fighting and never growing, or changing) .. they strengthen you, grow you, help you learn more about each other, your responses and feelings, they sharpen you as people and as a couple. Keep loving, keep apologizing, keep communicating and seeking to be encouraging, and sharing "Real" life together. Messy & the easy, fun times!

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  23. After 6 years of dating, Charles and I are finally moving in together... Like, we're getting the keys to our apartment today!!! Everything has been Cheerio leading up to today but I can only imagine the shuffles were going to get into considering we've been long distance for 4 out of those 6 years... I'll give you an update in a couple months and we can compare 'scuffle sheets' ;)

    But on another note, I know you guys will be fine. The fact that you argue means you're comfortable enough with each other to deal with the not always perfect aspects of a relationship. You got this!

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  24. Oh, how I hate being the emotional girl with insecurities and I'll tell you, I still have that occasionally even after more than 20 years together. But like you, we rarely have arguments. Not saying that it's all rainbows and puppies but the good far outweighs the emotional grossness. And sometimes boys are just dumb. (Because of course, *we're* never wrong!)

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  25. I think that living together for the first time in the real world is probably the cause. My husband and I were the same way. No serious fights, but more little arguments and annoyances than before because now everything that you do affects the other person. And I don't know how you do it in a small apartment! We lived in an 800 square foot house for a month and it drove me crazy because if I was mad, I could still see him no matter where I went in the house!

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  26. ive been in two relationships that made it to the two year anniversary- the first one totally fell apart after that (but probably shouldn't have lasted that long anyway). The second one is the one I am in now with Russ. We are actually past our 3 year anniversary now, but I can honestly say that the year from 2-3 was awful and the hardest/roughest patch. Just past the 3 year anniversary, we are still coming out of that bad place and back to a place we like. Who knows what will happen but that was not a fun year for us! we also moved in together that year, moved to a new city, I left my friends and family, and I started working full time for the first time ever. we probably took on a bit too much at once!!

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