I'm feeling gloomy today.
And I knew this would probably happen eventually.
I guess I just didn't expect it to happen less than one week of being back in America.
Last night, I dreamt I was back in Thailand. It was so warm and it felt so good.
And as I'm looking out the kitchen window in Georgia right now, I can't help but get a little teary eyed because all I see are grey clouds in 59 degree weather, thick woods, and a squirrel on a tree.
Which, okay, that squirrel is kind of cute and he's chasing another one up it, so that's making me smile.
But point is, I'm feeling gloomy. And a little sad. And perhaps bored?
I'm trying to stay present.
I'm trying to appreciate every experience.
I'm trying to look forward and get excited for diving back into the "real world."
But I'll tell ya, this is hard man.
And the thing is, we were warned about this.
We were told to be prepared that everyone back home has been doing their daily thing and living their lives just as they were before we left.
We were told to be prepared that after the initial few days of "travel talk," it would then stop.
Because life goes on and it's not about us and people have their own lives to attend to.
So now here I sit, slightly stressed about trying to find a job, slightly worried about finding an apartment, and just wishing more than ever that I could not worry about these things and just be back in Thailand, in our little bungalow a few minutes from the beach, thousands of miles away from these problems.
But that's not our reality anymore.
Because we're here now.
We chose to do this.
We chose to come back and be near family.
We chose to come back, find jobs, and save more money.
So if this is what I chose, why do I feel so sad about it?
Maybe I'm just having a pity party and need to get it out of my system.
And don't get me wrong, it's not like I feel this way all day, every day.
Moments like these come and go.
Usually when I'm sitting alone, looking at travel pictures.
For the most part, I know this is what we needed to do right now and I'm glad for it.
I think I just need to stay busy and stay focused.
I need to think about what I can be thankful for and change my perspective from stress and worried to excitement.
For example, remember when I said I had that phone interview back when I was in Chiang Mai?
Well, that went really well I think, because now that I'm back in the States, we have another phone chat this Thursday to talk about possible job opportunities.
So that's exciting, right?
Another thing I'm excited and thankful for is that next week, my brother, S-I-L, and new baby niece (who was born just a few days before I left the States last November and haven't seen since) will be coming out here to Georgia to visit.
Also, my sister and B-I-L from Tennessee will be coming down too!
So the whole family will be together again and that's something that doesn't happen very often anymore and we really have the best times when we're all together, so I'm definitely looking forward to that.
And see?
Just like that, I'm starting to feel better.
Can I look out the window and expect to see an elephant or monkey? No.
Can I go get a big plate of chicken Pad Thai for $1.50? No.
Can I hop on a motor bike and head to the crystal clear, bright blue beaches? No.
However, I can run upstairs and hang out with my mom right now, whom I've missed so dearly.
I can waltz over to the kitchen and make pretty much anything I want (or, let's be real here, have V Dizzle make me anything I want).
Speaking of The Dizz - - I've still got my amazing partner in crime to share every emotion with me.
And let me tell you what a comfort it is having someone who knows exactly how you're feeling because chances are, he's feeling it all too.
And let's not forget that I can hop in the car at a moment's notice and head to the glorious Target.
And well, that luxury is just not something you can get anywhere in this world!
And in fact, that's exactly what I'm about to do right now.
Nothing like a little retail therapy, ya heard?
Thanks for listening, friends. You da best.
And I knew this would probably happen eventually.
I guess I just didn't expect it to happen less than one week of being back in America.
Last night, I dreamt I was back in Thailand. It was so warm and it felt so good.
And as I'm looking out the kitchen window in Georgia right now, I can't help but get a little teary eyed because all I see are grey clouds in 59 degree weather, thick woods, and a squirrel on a tree.
Which, okay, that squirrel is kind of cute and he's chasing another one up it, so that's making me smile.
But point is, I'm feeling gloomy. And a little sad. And perhaps bored?
I'm trying to stay present.
I'm trying to appreciate every experience.
I'm trying to look forward and get excited for diving back into the "real world."
But I'll tell ya, this is hard man.
And the thing is, we were warned about this.
We were told to be prepared that everyone back home has been doing their daily thing and living their lives just as they were before we left.
We were told to be prepared that after the initial few days of "travel talk," it would then stop.
Because life goes on and it's not about us and people have their own lives to attend to.
So now here I sit, slightly stressed about trying to find a job, slightly worried about finding an apartment, and just wishing more than ever that I could not worry about these things and just be back in Thailand, in our little bungalow a few minutes from the beach, thousands of miles away from these problems.
 |
| ^^^Hanging out with the sexy old men^^^ |
Because we're here now.
We chose to do this.
We chose to come back and be near family.
We chose to come back, find jobs, and save more money.
So if this is what I chose, why do I feel so sad about it?
Maybe I'm just having a pity party and need to get it out of my system.
And don't get me wrong, it's not like I feel this way all day, every day.
Moments like these come and go.
Usually when I'm sitting alone, looking at travel pictures.
For the most part, I know this is what we needed to do right now and I'm glad for it.
I think I just need to stay busy and stay focused.
I need to think about what I can be thankful for and change my perspective from stress and worried to excitement.
For example, remember when I said I had that phone interview back when I was in Chiang Mai?
Well, that went really well I think, because now that I'm back in the States, we have another phone chat this Thursday to talk about possible job opportunities.
So that's exciting, right?
Another thing I'm excited and thankful for is that next week, my brother, S-I-L, and new baby niece (who was born just a few days before I left the States last November and haven't seen since) will be coming out here to Georgia to visit.
Also, my sister and B-I-L from Tennessee will be coming down too!
So the whole family will be together again and that's something that doesn't happen very often anymore and we really have the best times when we're all together, so I'm definitely looking forward to that.
And see?
Just like that, I'm starting to feel better.
Can I look out the window and expect to see an elephant or monkey? No.
Can I go get a big plate of chicken Pad Thai for $1.50? No.
Can I hop on a motor bike and head to the crystal clear, bright blue beaches? No.
However, I can run upstairs and hang out with my mom right now, whom I've missed so dearly.
I can waltz over to the kitchen and make pretty much anything I want (or, let's be real here, have V Dizzle make me anything I want).
Speaking of The Dizz - - I've still got my amazing partner in crime to share every emotion with me.
And let me tell you what a comfort it is having someone who knows exactly how you're feeling because chances are, he's feeling it all too.
And let's not forget that I can hop in the car at a moment's notice and head to the glorious Target.
And well, that luxury is just not something you can get anywhere in this world!
And in fact, that's exactly what I'm about to do right now.
Nothing like a little retail therapy, ya heard?
Thanks for listening, friends. You da best.
xoxo
oy. I know this feeling well. When I moved back from London I was in and out of it all. the. time. As with everything, time gets pretty good at healing the ache of wanderlust when it's fresh like this, I can promise that! And knowing your favorite places really are just a plane ride away (I mean money is always an issue, booooo, but still!) and that they are there waiting for you when you return someday always helps, too! Until then, I suggest wine and family and friends (isn't that the recipe for jut about everything?)!
ReplyDeleteNo matter where you are,we have days like those.glad you're feeling better!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're feeling gloomy - it really is hard to go back. That reverse culture shock thing is real, and it sucks. But, I love the end of this when you say you can go give your mom and hug and other things, which are the things you long for when you're away. Why is life always a give and take? Grr. I was really excited to go home, but now that it's only days away, I'm reluctant (and scared that I committed myself to two years in one place - holy shit).
ReplyDeleteMan, I can't imagine the feeling... Good luck with your job interview and I'm so glad you get to enjoy quality time with your family coming into town! That will surely put a smile on your face! :) Hopefully y'all can get back to saving money and go back to your dream location of Thailand, which now I feel is a must to visit after reading about your time there! And that's never an area of the world I thought I'd be interested in! Have a great week and try to make the most of your time here in the States. You'll get back to your Thailand, you will.
ReplyDeleteI definitely understand the feeling. Kinda like you're a total outsider for a while. But no worries, you'll get past it, just takes time :) I'm sure you'll be off doing fabulous things soon enough. Enjoy the downtime for a while before that whole "real life" thing kicks in!
ReplyDelete-L
I think you put this well... I feel this after every trip, even more so when we've been to places I love. I get serious travel depression after we get back to the States from Paris... every time! But like you said, just give yourself time, because you're kind of grieving in a way... give yourself time :)
ReplyDeleteAnd look at plane tickets :)
I'm sure it is nice to have him there to share your feelings. I bet it would be hard to come back and have everyone still doing the same thing when you have all these amazing stories and experiences. Hope the interview goes well!
ReplyDeleteThe Dizzle and you... Freaking power couple if you ask me. I like to refer to what you have as PVD... Post Vacation Depression. It's the absolute worst. But it will pass. Like you said, focus on family and the job chat. Good luck with that!!
ReplyDeleteI always get travel depression. Even now, I still have dreams and ache to be places I visited years ago. What I've found to help is to always have your next trip planned and start SAVING for it as soon as humanly possible. Even if it's just a little week-long getaway somewhere and not a jet-setting, globe-trotting adventure, having something to look forward to is what gets me through the mundane parts of my life all the time.
ReplyDeleteFor instance, right now I'm looking forward to Belize 2014 and either France or Thailand 2015 (haven't decided yet).
Pick your next destination and even if you put away only $10 per month for it, you'll feel better knowing you are working towards going again.
I always change the desktop picture on my computer at work to the place I'm planning to go next...just to remind me what I'm working for :)
I know how you feel! I lived in London for nine months after college and felt so weird and depressed when I got home. It's sooo different being back home but it will get easier and seem more "normal" soon :)
ReplyDeleteI would be very sad too if I were you! I think that is only normal.
ReplyDeleteIt's going to happen to you so, so often, for awhile. So be ready! That was the hardest thing for me. I spent nearly 4 months traveling the globe and when you come back and people get tired of hearing it, it can bum you out. And you'll have these little moments, quite possibly forever, that will bum you out, too.
ReplyDeleteBut you've also got these really awesome memories, and the best part is, 2, 3, 10 years down the road, it will come up in conversation "oh, when I was in _____" and the person you're talking to doesn't know about your travels and starts asking you stuff - and is really intrigued - and let's you talk about it for half an hour with a look on their face that reminds you just how awesome your travels were - that part's the best. :)
Glad the blog can be a place for you to share freely, and a little retail therapy never hurt anyone either. I'm sure you know, you'll one day find your travel experiences a joy to remember, not a "wish I were there" feeling. One day. Maybe not today.
ReplyDeleteI think it's normal to feel that way!
ReplyDeleteI know there are exciting things waiting for you here in your next chapter and I can't wait to watch them unfold :)
ReplyDeleteI'm ready....let's head to Target :)
ReplyDeleteThatta girl! You're gonna be ok:-) I remember returning home from Africa, and feeling the same way. Overwhelmed at American grocery stores and underwhelmed with people's lackluster responses to "THIS is what's going on in the world!!!" I was kind of on a soap box for a bit:-) Keep taking moments to reflect/write/debrief. Use those experiences to better your time back here, and what your new goals/purposes are! Exciting times! xoxo
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's good to just go out and spend a couple bucks (or more...). Oh, and of course--a nice Starbucks latte is always very comforting. ;D I hope your spirits buoy back up to summery heights soon! I'd miss the beach too! (I know that I'm ready for the warm weather certainly!)
ReplyDeletehang in there, mija. i hate getting the blues. coming back from paris was HARD for me, I can't imagine you and DizzleMan for 6 months of traveling.
ReplyDeleteMy close friend had a hard time adapting back to American culture when she studied abroad in Spain and saw how other people lived, especially Morocco. Hang in there! Glad to have you back all to ourselves. Muahahaha..
ReplyDeleteDrank some wine and get back to California so we can hang out. I'll let you talk all about your travels, I gotz time.
ReplyDelete