The Trials and Tribulations of Apartment Hunting in San Francisco.

Let me take a moment to tell you about the trials and tribulations of apartment hunting in San Francisco. Mind you, I have never experienced anything like this in my life.

Previous experiences with apartment hunts went as follows:

1. Make appointment to see apartment.
2. You see apartment.
3. You like apartment.
4. You fill out application for apartment.
5. You get apartment.

Very simple. Very straight forward. No issues.

I have quickly realized that the San Francisco process does not go as smoothly.

The San Francisco apartment hunt goes a little more like this:

1. Go to Craigslist.com

2. Be presented with THIRTY-SEVEN different neighborhoods to choose from in the 7 sq. mile region of San Francisco.

3. After filtering out the "you-may-get-stabbed-if-you-live-here"apartments and the "are-you-kidding-me-who-could-ever-possibly-afford-to-ever-live-here-you-must-be-on-crack-craigslist-lister" apartments, you then settle on a happy medium "that-looks-decent-enough-and-it's-affordable-ish" apartment.

4. You are then given a teeny tiny window of when you can see the apartment in person. It's usually on the weekend and it's about a 30-60 minute showing. Not a minute more!

5. If you're me (or smart), you then map out your plan of action, days in advance. You find the quickest route. You prepare to leave with plenty of time to get there early so as to be the first ones there. You have your checkbook in your bag, just in case this is "THE ONE" and they'll accept your deposit right then and there...or perhaps if you need to bribe them.

6. On the day of, you arrive early, thinking you've outsmarted the locals!

7. You enter the apartment, only to be stared at by 5 other sets of eyes, silently willing you to walk away and never return. It appears your plan of showing up early was also the plan of the other desperate house-hunters.

8. But you walk in anyway, head held high, determined to be the new renter!

9. And then you stand there, in a shoebox of an apartment, with these 5 other people.
And it's quiet.
And it's awkward.
And there's nowhere to go because as you're standing in the "bedroom" you can basically touch the toilet while also simultaneously able to touch the refrigerator in the kitchen with not one step being taken. Slight exaggeration, but not by much.

So then there's a whole lot of this going on with the fellow house-hunters:

10. You then tell the property manager that you're very interested in applying, but the property manager doesn't have any applications with him and instead has everyone write their name and email address down on a paper and he says he'll "email you an application later that evening."

11. Except later that evening, you get nothing.

12. And nothing the next day either.

13. You then try to contact them because you really, really want this place. And you really, really want to give them your money. Your last little pittance of money. All for this shoebox of a place!

14. But you hear nothing back.

So then there's a whole lot of Stephanie Tanner going on in your head:

As you can see, my friends, this city is not the easiest place to find a home. I have a theory (because I'm too lazy to Google the actual facts) that San Francisco is 99% occupied. So then there's the rest of us who are fighting over that little 1% left, and boy has it been a battle.

But I am determined. And I will fight to the death! Even if it means getting physical!

...okay, not really.

But I'll have the determination of that little guy if I need to!

(Sigh.)

Wish me luck. I'm off to scour Craigslist again.

xoxo