Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Sweaty Yoga and Large Packages.

I just experienced THE most intense 90-minute Bikram Yoga class of my life.
In fact, I don't think I've even ever done yoga for a full 90 minutes before.
Let alone spend that long in a super hot, super sweaty room doing uber-hard yoga poses.
{And let's just set the record straight that this was a beginners class, so the only reason why they were hard was because I'm extremely out of shape.}


The Dizzle and I have been talking about doing yoga basically ever since we left the country.
We somehow had this fantasy that we would be these exotic world travelers that did yoga everyday on the beach.

You know, something like this or equally exotic:

But do you know how many times we've actually done yoga in the last 5 months?


So I guess you could say it was due time we get our butts in gear and take a step closer to being an exotic yoga couple. {not.}

V Dizzle found this Bikram studio here in Phuket, so we hopped on our motorbike and headed over today.
Turns out, this studio is owned by Bikram's cousin?
And since I'm not a yogi, I just now learned that Bikram is an actual man, not just the name of this yoga style.

Here's Bikram with his sexy tiger:

Anyway, our yoga instructor was this super toned, super white, super smiley guy from Canada, but has been living in Thailand for the last 6 years or so and also speaks fluent Thai, which he was teaching the class in both English and Thai (kinda neat).

Oh, and he was also wearing these super tight, super short VELOUR TIGER SPANDEX SHORTS.
Did you hear that? VELOUR. TIGER. SPANDEX. SHORTS.

Exactly like these ones, except...Tiger print:

And let me tell you, this man's package was surprisingly large and in charge.
So you can imagine the distraction throughout those 90 minutes as he was bending and stretching in gorilla pose, or whatever those crazy names are.
The Dizzle and I were trying our darndest to stifle the laughter bubbling within us.
Fortunately, we managed to keep them in.

Anyway, I was sweating so profusely that not only did I sweat through my own towel beneath me, but also their towel that was beneath that one.
And I was wearing a pink sports bra.
And this pink sports bra decided to bleed a lot of pink blood.
All over my towel.
And all over theirs.
To which I then had to buy their towel for $10.

What am I supposed to do with a $10 pink-stained bath towel??
Tiger-Shorts told me that the towel said "Bikram" on it, so it was a "special towel."
Yeah, sure, Tiger-Shorts. Very special.

Anyway, I'm laying in bed now, my body feeling like jelly, but in that good way.
However, I plan to stay here for the rest of the evening.
If only I had some wine next to me, then this night would pretty much be perfect.


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  1. okay, this is a hilarious post! What an experience. I remember the first time I took Bikram.. I thought I was going to throw up/pass out/kill the instructor. But I left feeling so, clean and bendy!

    Hope you go back!!

  2. hahha hilarious! Can you somehow create a tie-dye effect with the pink bra and said towel? That might be your best bet.
    With Luck Blog

  3. I have to say that Bikram yoga has got to be one of the oddest styles out there....purely down to the way that they teach it. Here is london it is quite the cult thing to there are like 70 or so people in a small-ish room, sweating profusely and being barked at by a very intense and most of the time 'well-packaged' instructor.
    I have done a few classes but just found that I never got the attention & suitable adjustments that I needed...Hatha is much more my style!

    surprisingly large and in charge.
    Gonna bust that one out my friend!!!

  4. Sending you some wine stat... hope it gets there in time. ;)

  5. nope.

    You guys can't return until you perfect position #1 up there.

  6. So how did Verner do with all that sweaty exercising? Is he "jelly", too?

  7. I hope you're laying on your tiger towel!

  8. Haha how distracting! And oh my gosh how embarrassing about your bra bleeding! Had you never washed it before or something? p.s- my zumba instructor this morning totally looked like you!

  9. I despise Bikram yoga with a passion. I've tried it three times and each time was more miserly than the time before. The first time, the guy in front of me let one rip and I just about died. The second time, the stench of BO and other... smells... made me gag throughout, and the third time it was so hot I thought I was going to pass out. So, while I do love yoga, Bikram yoga is not for me!

  10. So will you be expecting those "shorts" on V Dizzle's christmas list this coming year?

  11. Oh my this post has me cracking up haha. :)

  12. oooooooo i love bikram yoga. it's the only yoga that Fluffy Pillow would do (he loves the sauna and he loves to sweat. Ew?)

    so far my instructors were women, but you do see some seriously packages with the fellow yogis. whoa nelly.

  13. Okay, I really want to do this but Im kind of scared!! Ha!

  14. More men should wear spandex shorts while doing yoga ha ha well the nice looking ones anyway ;)

    Ambitious Traveler

  15. How did I miss this post?!?! Absolutely hilarious. I don't think I could have handled it...probably would have lost it in class and gone through a huge giggling fit like a twelve year old.

    Velour tiger shorts.

    -Amanda | Living in Another Language

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