Thursday, March 7, 2013

My PMS Work Space

The above photo was taken mere moments before starting this blog post.
I felt it necessary to show you my work space (on the bed) so you could better understand what I'm going through at the moment.

And you know what's odd? I had a really lovely day today, with zero signs of the "Monthly Crazy's."
None. Nadda. Zilch.
I actually thought out loud to The Dizzle, "It's a miracle, Boo! It's that time of the month, but I haven't had any PMS signs! Cool, huh?"

As I was saying this, the PMS gods were laughing down at me, saying, "Oooh you silly fool, just. you. wait. We're coming for you when you least expect it!"

So I continued through the day, with not a worry in sight.

I had breakfast at a little corner restaurant with this cute little flamboyant Vietnamese waiter who was having a grand time practicing his English on us.
"Hello. How are you? Where you from? Okay bye bye!"

Then, we spent several hours enjoying the sun at the beach.
And I did something quite liberating.
Something I've never done before.
Are you ready for this?

I sun bathed topless.

That's right. Balls to the wall. Or, should I say, boobs to the sky? No?
Okay, too far. Anyway, I saw a few other girls doing it and I suppose peer pressure got the best of me.
I was a little timid at first, but after a few minutes, when I realized no one even glanced my way, it felt quite freeing. And breezy.
After about 20 minutes, I put my top back on. I mean, those puppies haven't seen daylight in...never.
I had to take precautions so as not to have two burnt tater tots on my chest. You heard?

After my liberating beach sesh, we got some lunch, then headed back to the hotel for a little relaxation.
{Because the beach was obviously so stressful and tiring that we needed a break to rest from that chaotic experience...??}

Here's where the PMS gods struck me down.

We went to dinner at this little dive bar and ordered their "Thursday Special":
2 beers and 2 burgers for only $9.00.
We started talking a little about travel plans and where we were going after Amsterdam next month. Then my mind started going 100tpm (thoughts-per-minute):
Are we going home after Amsterdam? 
Didn't we want to go to London, too? 
Do we even have enough money for that? 
Why aren't we making more money right now?
If we go home after Amsterdam, that means we only have about 6 weeks left of travel!
6 weeks?! No! I'm not ready to go home!
But wait, maybe I do want to go home.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

My mood took a 180 degree turn and plummeted down. Way, way down.
I was Miss Cranky Pants. "Crazy Connie" to those that know her.
I was getting irritated with The Dizzle because he didn't have the sense of urgency that I was feeling at that exact moment! Why doesn't he care?? How is he so calm?? Does he not realize that decisions need to be made and flights need to be booked?!
How about if I just sit here, arms folded, and pout for a second.

Now you see why her name is Crazy Connie.

After a few minutes of silence, I had a moment of, "Whoa. Hold the phone. Stop being a crazy biz-natch. What has gotten into you, Michelle?"
Then it dawned on me.
Hormones! Blame the hormones!

I tried to explain that to The Dizzle, but something told me I wasn't completely off the hook for acting like a lunatic.
So I apologized about 8 times, like I often do during my once-a-month crazy spells, and we headed to the nearest convenience store.

I bought a bottle of wine and a bag of Hershey's Nuggets faster than you can say {insert witty comment here}.
Anyway, it's probably best if I let you go and get back to the bottle and chocolate.
Maybe I'll throw another "I'm sorry" to the Dizz.
He's currently sitting in a chair in the corner of the hotel room, earphones in, on his computer.
He's a smart, smart man to keep his distance.
I just looked over and smiled.
He smiled and waved back.
I think he's forgiven Connie.

Happy Thursday.
Here's to at least another 30 years of this monthly nonsense.


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  1. I think I heard that when you're pregnant it goes away for like a minute? probably not true lol

    1. Yes! I was like, the happiest pregnant woman. Not really a good reason to have a baby, though.

    2. whoa, not me. I was a hormonal wreck. may have been because I was hopped up on clomid and progesterone to get (and then subsequently stay) preggos...but, it was a rough ride. I'm pretty sure that's why they suggest you being married first. That way, it's a lot harder to leave the crazy town lady you thought was the love of your life?? My poor husband...

  2. I have the exact same feeling every month. I get all excited thinking holy shiznit I'm not even grouchy! and then BAM!! Mother Nature gets all IN YO' FACE and turns me into Miss Zero-Patience and cranky-pants.

    And you can bet your ass I cure it like you're doing.

    Here's to being a woman!

  3. My pyscho PMS face came out last night too. My husband was cranky too so it was a mess of a fight. And then this morning he offered peace offerings of all the chores being done around the house, running all the errands we needed to do, and bringing me a Cinnabon. I don't deserve him.

    Anyway, topless sunbathing! I want to try it someday. I never get up the nerve though. Someday...

  4. haha as I read this I literally was picturing you guys throughout each part of the story and was seriously laughing out loud :) Thanks for starting my morning off with laughter :)

  5. You're so brave, Mish - not for sun bathing topless, but red wine on the bed?! Lol your wit and humor, once again, made my day.

  6. Lord have mercy on the men in our lives. I don't know how they do it. Luckily my husband always lets me blame my moodswings on pms. Even if it's not even close to that time of the month and I randomly cry he'll ask me if it's because I'm pmsing. I love that I can blame anything on that and it's ok : )
    oh and by the by, went topless once and stopped immediately when the one american guy entered the beach and started staring down EVERYONE. creepy sir, very creepy

  7. I'm always the happiest before the storm hits! It's like mother natures way of making sure I'm extra nice to everyone before I get weird.
    With Luck

  8. Oooops, I have been there many times :)
    Anyway, have you guys thougt in getting a hollyday working visa in Australia? you could make a little stop, work and save some money to keep with your adventure. If not you can always check this:
    And, of course, keep on with your writting, you are funny, smart, honest, brave and a great story-teller, someone should be paying you for that :)))

  9. You're not alone, Connie comes in all shapes N forms ;) lol, it's always best to soothe her down with wine and coddle her with chocolate ;) have fun on your adventures- sounds amaze!

  10. boobs to the sky! very liberating, yet very dangerous. i myself happened to get two (large) burnt tater tots when i made the mistake of leaving them (literally) hanging out too long. now drink that wine!

  11. Eek! This happened to me last night. I didn't have any warning signs and I told my husband that I was worried I was preggers even though I was about 95% sure that I wasn't (thank you, BC). Then, I snapped at him a few times and I'm pretty sure that was his clue to retreat into his man cave.I proceeded to consume half a container of chocolate chip cookies, 3 pickles, and two glasses of chocolate milk. That's when I realized what was going on. This morning, she finally arrived. :(

  12. My husband *claims* he can always tell when I'm PMSing. I guess I think I'm acting all normal and he notices that I'm being a crazy bitch. Whoops, my bad.

  13. It kinda sucks that we have to deal with this crap for another 30 years when we could only actually reap the alleged benefits (i.e. have kids) until we're about 40. What the eff do we need the extra decades of crazy for anyway?

  14. Ahahahah. I get that way every time I am hungry. So poor Kevin has to deal with that more than once a month, and then when I'm PMSing AND hungry?!?! Good God you don't want to be around me.

  15. Pretty much a play by play of my life at least once a month..more if my endo goes nuts..but without the fun travel and more of the "HOW ARE WE GOING TO PAY THE BILLS? WHAT IF OUR UNBORN BABY WANT TO GO COLLEGE AND WE CANT AFFORD IT?! WHEN CAN WE EVEN HAVE A BABY?!" thought I want chocolate...

  16. Haha I love your PMS work space, pretty typical of most females haha. :)

  17. I have chilled in the in public two times(once swimming while camping and once at some hot springs in Oregon) in my life and I loved every minute of it! Both times were suprisingly freeing and wish it was more accetable to do in the good us of a.

    Don't you just love that time of the month? Hubs can always tell when mine is and believe me he knows when to stay clear!

  18. I totally went topless on the beaches in Spain last September. When in Rome...or get the point! And good choice on the wine fixes everything. And if it doesn't, at least you get a buzz out of the deal.

  19. oh my god, you f*cking crack me up, I love reading your blog :)

  20. Your PMS work space looks almost identical to mine! Must mean we're blogging-soul mates. lol

    Hope you can swing by and check out my post on being body positive:

  21. I mean, I guess I could go boobs to the sky. Now that I'm done breastfeeding, I'd just look like a 15 year old boy. haha. awkwarddddddd. Ok, a very chubby 15 year old boy with moobs.

  22. Boobs to the sky! Hahahahahaha!
    Burnt tater tots!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    You're absolutely hilarious.

  23. Oh the poor men in our lives. I think we've all got a crazy alter ego that comes around every month. I just have to tell my husband that whatever I say doesn't count, I know it's mean and annoying, but I can't stop it from coming out... he knows, I think haha Good thing he loves me!

  24. Glad you got the crazies under control. Sweets help :).

  25. oh my God. I have to tell you. back in JANUARY, Jon and I set up a long distance Skype date for Valentine's Day. I mean, we'd been planning this for WEEKS. it was a BIG FREAKING DEAL. (details here: It was supposed to start at 1:30pm my time, and I called him at 1:10 and was like, "hey baby, I'm almost ready and I'm so excited!" and you know what? HE WASN'T EVEN HOME YET. he didn't end up being ready until 3pm. and basically I just blanked him for the rest of the day. and I wanted to tell him that by not talking to him at all I was really saving his life because if I did talk to him then I'd yell so much that my voice would travel across the phone to England and kill him because I was PMSing but I couldn't tell him that because then it would be like I wasn't really supposed to be mad and I was because OH MY GOD YOU TOTALLY RUINED OUR LONG DISTANCE DATE FOR VALENTINES DAY and I deserve to be mad but I was afraid that crazy PMS Betsy wouldn't know where the line was between rational mad and crazy mad so I just didn't answer his calls.

    yeah, that was an awkward thing to explain the next day...

  26. HAHAHAHA. I die. You crack me up- there's a Crazy Connie within me too, I just haven't named her yet..hmm....

  27. "two burnt tater tots on my chest" This cracked me up. The Dizzle is a saint!



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