So, as you saw, I posted a few photos of my Halloween costume on my blog here and apparently, a few people took offense to it.
You should know that I am normally an extremely light-hearted person and am never looking to offend anyone, so to be honest, I was a bit shocked at some of the comments left.
My initial reaction was to remove the angry and hateful things that were said as I didn't want them to be associated with this blog. But after thinking a little more about it, I realized I shouldn't have deleted those comments. For that, I do apologize, because I think everyone should be entitled to their opinion and if this blog is the place where you'd like to take the time out of your day to share it, well then go right ahead.
My Halloween costume came from the idea that I didn't want to do the cliche'd "slutty ____" that I've done literally every year for almost a decade. Also, it was thrown together last minute because my house is empty in prep for my world travels. So to say that my choice of wear was offensive...well, I guess I just don't see it that way.
Does anyone say drag queens are "ignorant" or "cruel" toward women they are resembling? I sure don't. Did my last year's Halloween costume as an Asian Geisha offend anyone because those people really do exist in this world? I would hope not.
If there's any time of year to not take yourself too seriously, I would think it was Halloween. The boyish look was merely a silly and fun costume for me, not because it resembled actual people, but because it's funny for a usually "girly-girl" to "man" it up.
Anyway, please know that what I say or do here on this blog never comes from a place of attack. It was all done from a place of fun and love.
That's all.
xoxo
I think the only problem I have is that lesbian women are very broad & have different looks & styles. They are normal people. A lesbian is a homosexual, a sexual orientation, not an image. I know you meant it in good fun but you really should have said that you dressed up like a man because really, that's what you did :)
ReplyDeleteThis.
DeleteEspecially as your "character" was called Mitch. So... you went as a man then?
DeleteBig love.
ReplyDeleteJust keep doing what you're doing ;) you're amazeballs.
Xx
Yeah...you shouldn't keep doing what you're doing, because what you're doing is ignorant and offensive, and not remotely "amazeballs".
DeleteNo, don't keep doing what you're doing. People are hurt by it.
DeleteHow about leaving a name and contact instead of just Anonymous.
DeleteDear Anonymous and Eva,
DeleteThanks so much for taking the time to reply to my comment.
I'm sorry that you both were so offended by what Michelle and myself had to say about this topic.
I stand by supporting Michelle. I know her to be a really lovely person and I genuinely believe that her intentions were not hurtful in creating that post. I respect that to people such as yourselves, for example, what she wrote was hurtful; and I recognise that just because her intentions were good doesn't nullify the fact that her words impacted some people negatively.
I sincerely wish though that you had approached addressing this issue differently. Perhaps a private email to Michelle, explaining your point of view might have been more appropriate? I understand (and I'm assuming Michelle does too) that writing things on the Internet opens the door to people responding and oftentimes, critiquing. I am completely comfortable with you disagreeing with me, as you are more than entitled to do so; I just feel that there might've been more appropriate ways to communicate your strong points of view.
I truly am sorry that you were offended by what has been said.
I wish you the best of luck.
Regards,
Jasmine
Oh boy, of course the first thing I did was click to the other post to see what comments you were talking about. I was actually wondering if you were going to get any push-back... I thought your post was hilarious, but people can be VERY sensitive in blog land. I know not all lesbians look the same, and I don't think you were implying that at all. Regardless, it made me laugh :)
ReplyDeleteAw lady I'm sorry people took your well-meaning post the wrong way. I still think you're hilarious though :)
ReplyDeleteI agree! I've already nominated you for a PFLAG award as the bastion of all that is good and supportive of LGBT rights. Oh, wait, no, you're a bigoted ass-hat. Alex, your AutoCorrect function accidentally switched "offensive" to "well-meaning," but I know that Apple is sometimes persnickety, so.....
DeletePlaying on stereotypes is inspiration for so many costumes, I found it funny :)! I know you didn't mean it offensively or maliciously, all in good fun, and I hope if they understand where you were coming from they won't be offended <3
ReplyDeleteNo, playing on stereptypes is not inspiration. It's bigotry.
Deletehttp://www.cnn.com/2011/10/26/living/halloween-ethnic-costumes/index.html
Educate yourself, asshole.
I thought it was funny! I posted my x-ray of my back yesterday and everyone freaked because you can see my boobs and butt. Like, not for real, but sort of. Whatever. People can over-hype anything.
ReplyDeleteUm, picture is unrelated. That has nothing to do with anything.
DeleteOh yes, that's a completely related and thought-provoking comment. (??)
DeletePeople are always looking for reasons to get offended. I thought your post was hilarious.
ReplyDeleteHoney, we don't need to LOOK for reasons to get offended. Shit like this is in our face all the time. And people like you are part of the problem.
DeleteSome people will always be unhappy, no matter the topic. As far as offensive costumes go, I don't think yours was even on the radar.
ReplyDeleteBlehh don't listen to them!
ReplyDeleteSome people.... geez. I just wonder how they make it in real life if every damn thing trips their trigger.
ReplyDeleteHaters gunna hate! You clearly didn't mean it in a rude way. I am glad you guys got to enjoy a Halloween and had AWESOME costumes even with little to work with!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness I thought your p.s. was a joke. It actually made me giggle. Then I saw your blog. Is he being Tiger Woods? Or just passionately, unspecifically offensive? Please consider new friends.
DeleteHer heart was in the right place when making fun of a minority group that is already made fun of daily in our society and denied basic human rights.
DeletePlease, tell me: what's so funny about being a gay person for Halloween?
What's so funny about drag queens then? Many gay and lesbian people enjoy going to drag shows just like the rest of us...to laugh and be entertained...So where's your point exactly?
DeleteI think if you can't answer the question of "what's so funny about being a gay person for Halloween?" without trying to distract from that direct question, then I think you have your answer.
Deleteomg.. and this is why you have YOUR OWN blog.. to express yourself as open and honest as you choose to be! I'm glad you said something about the offended commenters, because it gives me reason to say IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU READ, PUSH ON... there's plenty of other blogs to leave your nice little flowers are pretty comments elsewhere!!! Halloween = FUN = getouttaherewithyourseriousness!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is pathetic it's an issue (you getting negative comments)... others should focus their serious-ness on supporting our fellow brothers and sisters who are suffering from real problems... like Hurricanes! The end.
Love ya goorl!
yeah man, this is why you have your own blog!!! So you can be as bigoted as YOU WANT!!!!11211!
DeleteIf you don't like reading blatant bigotry, you should go read some OTHER blog that isn't filled with discriminatory garbage!!!121 Because this is MY BLOG, and I'll spout hateful crap ALL I WANT!1121!!!!
Right, we should focus on real problems. Like people not being allowed to visit their partners in the hospital, or having custody of their own children challenged, or being attacked for being out with the person they love. Oh, but wait, those are problems gay people experience every day. Those are the people this ignorant costume is turning into a punchline.
DeleteIf Mish didn't want any comments on her outfit, she could have, you know, not put it out in the wide world for people to comment on. People are offended, people are commenting. Jesus, just educate yourself before you come out with this special snowflake capslock bullshit.
Thank you for this comment.
DeleteI'm pretty sure that comments like those are a sure sign that you've totally MADE IT as a blogger. ;)
ReplyDeleteHeh, she's "made" it, all right, made it on plenty of angry news sites. What goes on the internet, stays on the internet.
DeleteExactly (to Anonymous, not Sarah).
DeleteI didn't think you were being offensive! I have a few very close gay friends who often classify girls as being manly, or some other choice words...I don't know why people get so offensive. I didn't think you were cornering lesbiens and trying to make a statement at all. It just looked like good fun, and I thought you did a good job of putting together a funny costume with such limited resources. I think it's great that you've taken the attitude that you have on it though.
ReplyDeleteWhat makes no sense to me, is how is leaving a nasty comment, make them any better? They are angry at you for being judgmental...but aren't they doing the same thing to you? Thank you for being the bigger person and just letting them say what they want to. I think your regular readers knew you meant no harm, and wasn't in any way trying to make a statement with your Halloween costume....it's a Halloween costume!
:) you keep writing, I'll be here to read it.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteWow Kayla, you completely missed the point.
DeleteHere's the difference between Mish and the commenters who voiced their opinions:
One made a discriminatory halloween costume post that perpetuates negative stereotypes about an entire culture of people
-and the others didn't.
GUESS WHICH IS WHICH
I think it's pretty entertaining that this person is getting angry about Mish stereotyping...or being judgmental...and they are willing to stereotype and be judgmental, well and just plain rude all under an Anonymous name. GROW SOME PUNK. I at least can write my comments under MY NAME...I don't need to hide behind an Anon. posting.
Delete:)
derpppp
Deletehuge fail
Well that sure puts a damper on the Halloween fun! I didn't think you were offensive at all. Anyone who reads your blog knows you've got a great sense of humour and you wouldn't be doing anything to intentionally offend anyone. People need to lighten up a little!
ReplyDeleteThe tough thing is PEOPLE are not costume's. Drag queen's are representing more of an art form than any actual women I know. Do you know any women who pile on the makeup in a costume like manner with 4 inch heels and lip sync to music as their professional work!? Dressing as a geisha IS offensive because that is another culture's dress, not a costume. What your intent was does not matter. We all know your intent was to not hurt others. Your impact was hurtful to others. You are responsible for that impact. What if someone went dressed as a Filipina sex worker, or dressed as the poorest of the poor filipino's? People, be smart and do NOT use stereotypes for Halloween costumes. Just don't do it.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWho cares if she dressed like a stereotypical "butch lesbian"? Ummm, try LESBIANS, you dimwit.
DeleteYeah, maybe the reason you "don't see anything wrong with it" is because you've never experienced the discrimination and profiling that comes with being LGBTQ.
Until people like you remedy your ignorance, the world will continue to be a shitty place.
Thank you, Anonymous!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteDon't read or respond to comments if it bothers you so much Sarai.
DeleteSee how easy that is?
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteNot intending to cause offense is not the same thing as not offending. If you honestly didn't think that dressing up as a stereotype of a gay woman wouldn't be offensive, then the answer is not to post about how hurt you are that people were offended. It's not about you.
ReplyDeleteI saw this and tried to be open-minded at first. Halloween is about trying on a new identity in a safe space, and maybe you needed to explore this side of yourself. Then I saw the fake flab, and the facial hair, and all the laughter in the comments on your blog, and I realized you weren't subverting gender roles (like drag queens do) or taking a clever or interesting take on the costume that doesn't dehumanize people.
ReplyDeleteYou were making fun of me. Personally. And everyone was laughing. And frankly, that hurt. You will likely call me overly sensitive to make yourself feel better about hurting people. That's what people do, since they don't like hurting people, but it ends up hurting people more.
Step back. You may have been taught your whole life that it's okay to behave like this on Halloween, and you probably don't like being called a bigot for something you believe is okay. That's fine, that's where everyone starts. That doesn't make you a bad person. But you have a choice here. You can listen to the people who say "it hurts when you make fun of me and everyone laughs," and adjust your behavior, or you can keep telling yourself that it's okay.
It takes bravery to admit when you've done something that hurts people, especially if you didn't mean to, when you thought you were doing something that is fine, it's all fun. But there are people telling you it isn't fun for them.
There are lots of ways to have fun on Halloween that don't do it at the expense of real people. I hope you will think about that for next year, and I wish you all the best.
"You were making fun of me. Personally. And everyone was laughing. And frankly, that hurt. You will likely call me overly sensitive to make yourself feel better about hurting people. That's what people do, since they don't like hurting people, but it ends up hurting people more."
DeleteEXACTLY.
This. So much.
DeleteI was hurt by this. Some of the comments here are downright hateful. Which hurts because it's me they're hating. My brother. My aunt. My many friends and acquaintances...
Lesbian women are not men. They usually do not perceive themselves as men, either. So to say you wanted to "man it up" this year by going as a lesbian, that's both offensive to homosexuals and women. A woman being attracted to another woman does not equal being a man.
This won't make me stop reading your blog, but I encourage you and everyone here to educate themselves about stereotypes and how they affect those being stereotyped. It's not cool, it's not accurate, and it hurts.
This is by far the best response to this costume issue ever. It gave me chills. Thank you for crafting a thoughtful, non-hateful comment. The commenters being cruel are not helping any (even if I agree with their sentiment).
Deleteyou are a complete idiot, as are all of your stupid friends. you are ugly too. so sad.
ReplyDeleteIf you wanted to " man it up" you should have dressed as a man and not a gay woman.
ReplyDeleteIf you and your followers think mocking an entire group of people is all lighthearted fun then I am sorry for you. You will never overcome your own ignorance if you are not willing to hear what other people have to say.
When you have hurt someone the correct thing to do is apologize, not call into question their sensitivity or lack of humor.
i guess you're saving blackface for next year? lol, idiot.
ReplyDeleteWOW! So much to say, yet they can't say it as themselves .. why choose to be anonymous? If you feel so strongly about your beliefs, you should be proud and let people know who you are!! Just my opinion .. but I guess to you, other people's opinions don't mean much~
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more!!!
DeleteGo Henry!
Not everyone has a blog and those are the options she gives when commenting.
DeleteI think it's funny that choosing "anonymous" means they're hiding. It's easier to pick anonymous rather than register sometimes. Just because there isn't a name attached to what they say, doesn't mean what they're saying isn't completely valid. And to completely ignore their absolutely valid points, just because instead of a name, which could be fake by the way, it says anonymous, is just ridiculous. Apparently to you, other peoples opinions don't mean much either.
DeleteI think its funny that someone is all "I agree everyone should be proud about their beliefs and opinions" went and deleted all her comments. *cough* Sarai *cough*
DeleteSo brave, so bold.
If I were you, I'd be much more worried about the fact that now your name is out there attached to supporting homophobia and bigotry.
DeleteOH MY GAHH..you anons are seriously ridiculous....
DeleteActually the reason I deleted my comments is because I don't want to even associate myself with arguing with such a judgmental person as yourself, but I actually wish I would've left them up.
I mean c'mon, really?
Just move onnnn...it's that easy.
I'm in FULL support of Michelle and what she chooses to do because, it's HER choice. She was in no way offending you on purpose.
You are just looking for things to offend you.
My cousin/best friend is a lesbian and you know what? She thought this was HYSTERICAL. Do you know why? Because she is comfortable in her own skin and doesn't look for drama.
hhmmm..that's a thought!
another food for thought, create your OWN blog and make comments to yourself! that way you can bitch allll daaay looong.
xoxoxoxoxox
Sarai
It is still completely legal to fire someone for being gay in most of the US. Some of us can't afford NOT to be anonymous when discussing gay issues on the Internet.
DeleteAnd you know what?
DeleteI sincerely believe that is extremely disgusting and I in no way support that.
Being able to fire someone for the sexual orientation is repulsive and unjust.
I think everyone has the right to be who they are without fear.
Just like you, just like Michelle.
xoxo
Sarai
Just because she wasn't intending to offend doesn't make it ok.
DeleteJust because someone you know is gay and thinks it's hysterical doesn't mean there aren't others that are hurt by it. Their hurt shouldn't be dismissed because they've chosen (or had no other choice) to remain anonymous or because their views are different than your own. I know some of the comments haven't been the nicest, but by and large, they're trying to show why what she did was hurtful to help ensure it doesn't happen again. We're not damning her to the pits of hell, we're trying to get her, and others, to think about things a little deeper.
And food for thought, we're not all anonymous.
Oh shit, I forgot at the annual international gay convention they elected Sarai's cousin's to speak for all gays.
DeletePlease Sarai, explain what's so funny about this costume? Please explain how the anons are all judgemental while you're defending someone who protrayed a steorotype - which all about judging.
DeleteIts amusing that you're telling everyone to move on. How many comments have to posted (and deleted) on this?
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
you're such a wittle cutie, Anon.. :)
Deletexoxo
Sarai
YOUR HETEROSEXUAL PRIVILEGE IS SHOWINGGGG
ReplyDeleteI found your brothers costume WAAAYYYYY more offensice.... really thats a weird movie and he scares me!!!
ReplyDeleteActually, yeah, your geisha costume was a bit offensive. Asian women are frequently fetishized and commodified and the geisha trope is a big part of that.
ReplyDeleteYou have a choice here. You can be angry that some people were bold enough to speak up and say you were hurting their feelings, or you can consider the fact that you hurt people's feelings and learn something from this experience. It is easy for you to be extremely lighthearted about this topic because you have not fought the fights that are intrinsic to the queer identity and the challenges of coming out and navigating a heteronormative world. To people who have fought these fights, it is not a lighthearted topic, and if it is, that lightheartedness is usually well-earned.
I'm not saying you're bad or mean or ignorant. I do think you're misguided. In general, you seem like a nice, caring person. Next time, consider who a costume could hurt and ask yourself if you'd be embarrassed to appear dressed like that with a group of actual lesbians (or whatever group your costume portrays). Hurting others isn't worth it just to have some fun one night.
Oh MAN. I just cycled through the comments and I'm fairly sure I'm going to get hate mail soon for putting LOL in my previous comment. Eek. Honestly, being an everyday reader of your blog, I guess I glazed over the words and just laughed at the picture of your costume. I KNOW you didn't mean harm Mish. And I have family members in the LGBTQ community so I'm not completely removed from its meaning (for those of you who will assume I am). Let the anonymous comments come as they will, read them and just move forward. You guys have doled out your set of criticisms, just hope Mish heard it and move on because you've done all you can do. It's offensive that people just assume the worst of a person and attack their character without really knowing them. It was a poor choice of words.
ReplyDelete"It's offensive that people just assume the worst of a person and attack their character without really knowing them."
DeleteFirst of all...no. It's not offensive to see someone doing something hateful publicly and call them out on it. If Mish dressed up as she did in her own house and the only people who saw her costume were friends who know her and don't think she's a bigot...I still would think it was offensive, but I wouldn't know. She's the one who went out like that, and she's the one who put it on a public blog where anyone can see it. So she's getting criticized?--good. Maybe seeing how many people react to her supposedly hilarious costume with disgust and anger will make her reconsider her next "but racism/homophobia is funny!" costume.
Hi Megan, I didn't say you didn't have a right to express your opinions. I believe everyone has that right. But that people are just assuming this particular string of events means Mish is a bigot is making rather broad assumptions about her character and I do find that offensive. The repeated berating of someone who has already said it wasn't coming "from a place of attack" is not something I agree with. I think everyone has opinions of value but once you've done all you can do to educate someone on a topic they made a mistake on, its time to move forward and be a bigger person.
DeleteI agree, Evani, I think that it is unfair to go beyond stating their opinions on her post, and calling her names and assuming things about her character that just makes them look ignorant because they don't know her. Fine, state your opinion about her post, then move on. No need to call her names. That is just mean.
DeleteNo one's saying Mish is a bigot, people are saying Mish did something bigoted.
DeleteAnd by refusing to acknowledge this isn't helping Mish or her defenders. Stop making excuses and actually listen to the people who say they've been hurt. Maybe Mish will learn something then.
Wow. All I have to say is wow.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but all of you people attacking Michelle really need to get a life and get off of your horse. She said that she didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings by it. Lay off already. And this goes without saying, stop reading this blog if you are so offended. She isn't putting a gun to your head and making you read it. So stop.
Keep hiding behind your anon profile. That will help your cause, obviously.
"She said that she didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings by it"
DeleteWOW, you're totally right! Her saying this automatically means she didn't hurt anyone's feelings!
It doesn't matter that she didn't mean it. OK, so maybe she didn't know it would hurt people. But now she knows. The correct answer now is not to go "WELL YOU'RE MEAN!!!". The correct move would be to acknowledge that she has learned something. Which I hope she did.
DeleteSo you guys basically want her to kiss your ass for all of eternity now? I'm so glad to hear that you are so perfect!! Please, share with us how you maintain your perfection in life.
DeleteHow does "admitting that you were wrong and did something hurtful" equal "kissing someone's ass for all of eternity"?
DeleteI'm far from perfect, but when somebody tells me I'm hurting them, I stop what I'm doing. This is why this whole situation is so puzzling for me.
What would you suggest she do, Eva? Please, enlighten me. There are a ton of comments calling her a biggot, asshole, all of these names, and she even wrote an apology post yet none of you have mentioned how you would like her to right the situation. Just keep on calling her names, that is a mature solution. So seriously. What could she do to fix it at this moment? She sure as shit won't do it again, so RIGHT NOW, what can she do to fix it?
DeleteI think you're being purposefully dense. I've already told you, and so have many people, what would have been a more mature response. "Well sorry if you're offended but I did nothing wrong, come on everyone, tell me I did nothing wrong and these people are just sensitive" is not a thoughful reply. A simple "I didn't see the bigger picture and now I realize people were hurt because of what I did" would be much, much more appropriate.
DeleteNobody is asking her to get on her knees and whip herself. But a simple "I screwed up, I will try to do better" is something that is not too much to ask of an adult. I'm not sure why you think it's so outrageous.
Or just don't read her blog? Clearly you aren't a GFC follower anyway "Eva" no last name.
DeleteGreat points Cara- I agree with you, Mish admitted she was sorry if anyone's feelings were hurt and there was no intention ever to do that. I think it's unfortunate that people get so touchy about issues. I find it really ironic that they are telling everyone to educate themselves....talking down to people, and being a smart ass isn't educating anyone. Calling people names isn't either. I hate the way people are separated, my heart goes out to my friends in the gay and lesbian communities all of the time when I hear/see how they are being treated differently. I do NOT agree with that, but they have light hearted sense of humors too I guess because one of them was even a "butch" for Halloween last year....should they too be "educated" They are in the community and they are able to poke fun. If someone dressed up as a short white/italian cowgirl (because I live in Texas, it's usually assumed we're all cowgirls/cowboys) with a big nose called Kayla...that wouldn't offend me in the slightest....I would laugh. Stereotyping exists everywhere in the world, instead of getting hurt, why not just laugh and move on? We all fall under a stereotype, things in life are not always fair. But we can always fight to make them fair, but fighting with each other and calling each other names is not the way to do it. :)
DeleteGreat idea Kayla! Maybe next time a kid kills themselves because they've been laughed at everyday, we should all just smile because clearly that kid didn't get the joke.
DeleteMaybe Mish didn't mean to hurt anyone. Its doubtful that anyone is going to kill themselves over this. But Mish is contributing to a culture that hurts people. Actual people.
So while she may not be driving anyone to kill themselves, she's clearly saying its ok to laugh at anything that's outside the norm and thus making excuses for those who do bully.
Because everyone who's dodging the question "why is this funny?" knows that. They know the answer "its funny because they're different from us!" won't exactly prove their point that this is "all in good fun!"
I think ALL of these anons are trying to PREACH that what she did was bigotry and bullying, yet all they are doing RIGHT now and on that stupid ass website is BULLYING. So it's alright to completely and utterly bully someone who had a silly costume but not someone who is gay? EITHER WAY YOU'RE BULLYING. PERIOD. Regardless of the subject it's all bullying, whether a kid is gay or wears glasses. Bullying is bullying. I am bisexual and dating a female. We do not see ANY disrespect in this and actually thought it was quite funny. Mish dressing up as a "butch lesbian" was no different than a man throwing on a dress for halloween and going as a drag queen. I think EVERYONE needs to step back and realize what is really going on behind these posts and stop trying to fight for the cause and realize that you are just adding to constant bullying and judgement that anyone in the LGBTQ community is fighting against. I am bisexual, part of the LGBTQ community, and I do not find her costume offense. If Halloween is a serious holiday, then when did Elmo go from a kids toy and cartoon type character to a sexy/slutty Elmo? Serious Holiday huh???
DeleteGood for you. There have been several lesbians who said they were upset by it and why. You do not speak for all lesbians, so stop acting like you're opinion is the end all, be all on the subject.
DeleteI think everyone forgets a bit that when they post something on the internet, they are posting things in a public forum. And people all take things differently. People who "know" Michelle can say "well she obviously didn't mean to be offensive" but what about the tens, hundreds of others who don't know her, but who saw her costume pic and read her post and were offended? Should they not have the option of making their opinions known in a public forum? And yes, there's no point beating a dead horse, I think the point has been made by those of us who found her choice of costume highly stereotypical and offensive - but neither is there a point to just laugh at something and brush it off, that's just ignorant.
ReplyDeleteActually, yes. Your Geisha costume last year was offensive. There is a campaign called "We're a Culture, Not a Costume." Please consider sharing this information with your readers:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.cnn.com/2011/10/26/living/halloween-ethnic-costumes/index.html
While I'm sure that you didn't INTEND to be offend anyone, at the very least your costume choice was thoughtless. While you might think a costume is funny, it's often important in life to think about how our choices impact other people in the world. In this case, what you did was genuinely hurtful to many people.
I don't agree with people who are calling you "hateful," "asshole," and the like. I don't think you are a bad person. You made a mistake, and I sincerely hope this will be a learning experience for you. Several years ago during high school, I used the phrase "that's so gay" and was called out on it. It honestly hadn't occurred to me that I would be hurting someone else's feelings. But I learned that day, and now I'm much more aware of how my words and actions impact other people. Please learn this lesson as well, and pass it on.
P.S. -- I'm not being "Anonymous" to hide, I just don't have a blog account to login with.
THIS!
DeleteYes. This completely.
DeleteCompletely agree with this comment.
DeleteWell, what you basically did was equivalent to a man dressing wearing a blonde wig and declaring that he has become a "blonde bimbo" for Halloween. That is sexist. What you did was positively homophobic. Think about it, if somebody dressed up as a stereotypical image of a person from your community or race, would you think of it as "fun"?
ReplyDeleteThe least you could do was add that your intention was to dress up as a stereotypical lesbian woman, as a sarcastic reaction to media's portrayal and society's general view of lesbian women. But certainly, that wasn't your intention.
And the sad thing is you don't even get why you are wrong. Get a perspective, woman.
The only thing that makes me sadder than bigotry is people vehemently defending bigotry.
ReplyDeleteI'm hurt by your costume. Your behaviour is part of a bigger picture and I think you're smart enough to realize that.
Maybe you didn't mean to hurt me or other gay women. But you did. And it's not because we're overly sensitive, it's because your costume was crass, thoughtless and bigoted.
People are telling you that you did something hurtful. And you're putting your fingers in your ears and choosing to disregard the voices of the actual people that you chose to "represent" with your costume. Please stop and think about what that says about you as a person. You can be better than this.
What do you want her to do? Seriously. What would you like Michelle to do? I'd love to know this. You all continue (for 2 days now) to attack her but none of you have said what you think would make this right. She apologized, stated that she didn't mean to hurt anyone, APOLOGIZED. LET IT GO!!!! You guys are SO perfect!
DeleteI don't even know Michelle, and the reason I am defending her is because if this happened to me, I'd hope someone else would jump in my corner and defend me too.
So you clearly, aren't getting it. SHE DID NOT MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE. SHE IS SORRY. IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. You guys all think we should slap a big ole 'A' on her and banish her to hell. That is sure what is sounds like based on all of these hateful comments.
Now, please, go do something productive with your life today. Stop with the condescending comments against Michelle and the name calling. It is getting out of control and you all look like major two faced bitchy girls that make females look bad with your holier than thou comments.
What do you want her to do? Seriously. What would you like Michelle to do? I'd love to know this.
DeleteI would like her to refrain from stereotyping already marginalized minorities. It would also be nice if she tried to understand where she went wrong so she can avoid hurting people in the future. I don't think that's too much to ask. It's basic human decency.
She apologized, stated that she didn't mean to hurt anyone, APOLOGIZED.
No, she did not. "Well I'm sorry that you were hurt but you had no right to be" is NOT an apology. It's okay that she didn't know this was hurtful. But now people are trying to let her know why, and she won't acknowledge it.
I don't even know Michelle, and the reason I am defending her is because if this happened to me, I'd hope someone else would jump in my corner and defend me too.
See, if this happened to me, I would be embarrassed and I would try to learn how to be a better person in the future. Having people "jump in your corner and defend you" is not a good thing when you did something wrong.
IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hopefully it won't, but some of these people have made it very clear that they see nothing wrong with being a bigot, so I would expect them to keep doing things like this in the future.
Now, please, go do something productive with your life today.
If even one person stops to think about what I'm trying to say, and as a result they try to be more thoughful in the future, then commenting here was a productive use of my time.
Is your last comment a joke? I'm dead serious.
DeleteThanks for the breakdown. You've definitely changed my mind.
DeletePlease get off your horse.
Shame on you for calling her a bigot. You don't know her. Glad you are so damn perfect. Seriously that is how you look right now. Time to call you some names. How about judgmental?
If everything that everyone does in life offends you so much, that is pretty sad and if you think that everything that everyone does is an attack, that is also sad.
Shame on you for calling her a bigot. You don't know her.
DeleteI know she did something bigoted and refuses to acknowledge why it's problematic.
If everything that everyone does in life offends you so much, that is pretty sad and if you think that everything that everyone does is an attack, that is also sad.
Not everything and everyone, no, but this is a pretty clear-cut case. And for the record, I'm mostly talking about the commenters. It really shows how sheltered and privileged some of them are. That doesn't make them bad people, but when someone who isn't as privileged as you are tries to explain why life isn't so peachy for everyone outside your little bubble, you should do well to listen. And that's a general "you" because you in particular seem pretty intent on sticking your fingers in your ears, at least for now.
You are actually pretty funny. I'm really enjoying this conversation.
DeleteI'm so glad that you know everything about me, it really didn't take more than a hot minute for you to sum me up and decide to judge me. Oh I'm sorry, not me, the "commenters", right?
Also, I'd love to know your logic behind your unsupported claim that privileged people are ignorant and are in a "little bubble". Getting a little general in our comments, aren't we?
I never used the world "ignorant", but yes, if you're not part of a minority, you don't know how hard life is for them. And like I sad, that doesn't make you a bad person. It just means you should listen when people try to let you know that there are other realities besides the one you live in.
DeleteI think I've said everything I needed to say and, since you're not actually looking to have a conversation here, I'm bowing out.
Cheap shot and then "bow out". Shocker.
DeleteI really don't give two shits what you think of me and I hardly think Michelle does either. It might do you some good to not be so judgmental of others, especially those whom you know nothing about.
Wow Cara, you're really invested in defending a stranger who admitted that she was in the wrong.
DeleteObv, Michelle does care what people think about her. Or else we wouldn't be discussing this on a "I'm sorry but..." half ass post.
"Also, I'd love to know your logic behind your unsupported claim that privileged people are ignorant and are in a "little bubble". Getting a little general in our comments, aren't we?"
DeleteYou need to take a Sociology 101 class.
I'm sorry for being such an asshole Cara, and Mish...after thinking further I believe I'm approaching this in the wrong way.
DeleteSincerely,
Anonymous
Giving your anonymous two cents to this discussion is like having a strong political opinion and voicing it, when you aren't even registered to vote. Just sayin. Thanks for your input, Anon, we all really care what you have to say behind your little computer screen.
DeleteYou've spent several comments arguing back and forth - you clearly do care what a couple of Anons have to say.
DeleteBesides, what's sadder - commenters have to stay anon because they don't have blogs or commenters going back and removing their comments?
The fact that I don't know if you are the same Anon as the one who has been arguing with me all along. THAT is what is sadder.
DeleteLol, why? Because the odds are high that not every blog reader has a blog to sign in with?
DeleteRegardless, if you're arguing with 1 anon or 20 anons, the point is the same: you clearly care what complete strangers have to say. And you're clearly attempting to deny it even though its clear as day.
Seriously this conversation is a joke. Go back to your pathetic little website where you all bitch an moan about the big, mean world where everyone is out to get you and your "minority groups". Your comments are cared about there. You guys(oops. Guys, gals, whatever. Sorry- wouldn't want to call you a guy if you aren't, since you are the PC police up in here. That might start a whole new shit storm) (I mean ALL of the anon commenters on this post)are quite possibly the most hypocritical, two faced, sleazy bunch that I've ever seen. You talk about how horrible Michelle's post was, then you participate in a blog that talks mad shit about bloggers and people on the internet, like you own it. Get a life. That is seriously the most pathetic, scummy thing I've ever heard of. Are we in 5th grade? It is your version of the virtual burn book? I read all of the comments on your shit website regarding Michelle's post, and you should all be ashamed of yourselves. One of you Anons talked about "losing faith in humanity" well if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what hell is. I'm done with this waste of time. This is like trying to talk to a 5 year old. Go crawl back into your virtual cave, troll. And sorry to break it to you sweetcheeks, I don't give a flying F about your Anon or any of the other Anon comments.Don't flatter yourself. Have a swell day!
DeleteThat's a shit ton of words from someone who could careless about what a bunch of anon say.
DeleteCara, the fact that you put 'minority groups' in quotations really says it all. You're out of touch. Bowing out now; this conversation is useless.
Delete-Anon #2
About as useless as you guys (GIRLS! Sorry...I keep doing that!) calling Michelle names to try and prove your point? Classy.
DeleteBut Cara, I thought you didn't care what we thought?
DeleteHint: The worst way to show you don't care is by saying over and over you don't care. Using your engery is the opposite of not caring.
Are you done? If not, please shoot me an e-mail to continue your psycho little bitch rant, Anon. We can take this offline. No need to continue to clog Michelle's comment thread.
DeleteLOL. That's amazing "I could careless, so I'm going to keep commenting and oh, send me an email about it but I don't really care see how much I don't care!"
DeleteYou totally care. I know you're probably getting off on this White Knight act but really? Come on.
All I want to say is that regardless of all of the debating going on right now, I want to send some love your way. It's Halloween, and so you might have offended some people on your blog, but you didn't mean too. I think that's pretty clear. So hope the bashers and haters aren't getting you down, love ya girl. Go have yourself a wonderful Halloween!
ReplyDeleteI think it's fair to say that everyone has made their point. Nothing new is being uncovered through these comments.
ReplyDeleteThose supporting Mich in the comments are making me lose faith in humanity.
ReplyDeleteI retract this statement, mostly because it's idiotic and childish.
DeleteWhat do you really expect from someone who identifies with her Asian side because, in her words, "I think Asians are funny. Like, let me laugh at you and your funny Asian ways, funny."
ReplyDeleteThe lights are on, but no one's home.
By the way, some frat guys were caught in blackface for Halloween. This is how you say sorry:
ReplyDelete“At no point in time were we ever trying to negatively portray African-American stereotypes,” they said in a statement. “We have since learned about the history of ‘blackface’ and fully understand how our actions were insulting to the African-American community.”
http://updates.jezebel.com/post/34666812210/if-youre-confused-about-whether-or-not-to-wear
I know how to use the internet.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a very sheltered and small minded person.
ReplyDeleteIf you had dressed up as a man, or called yourself a drag king, you may have had a point. People wouldn't be calling you out for being ignorant. You didn't. You dressed up as a "butch lesbian." Compare it to blackface, not a drag show.
Wow you really don't take any responsibility. You were absolutely mocking lesbians, admit it. It doesn't matter whether all or some lesbians look like this. Many do and you were making fun of them. Gross.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, Michelle, for all the flack you're receiving. Hope it doesn't spoil your day :(. I'm here to stand up for you.
ReplyDeleteI love how these people are anonymous. And so full of crap.
ReplyDeleteshut up!!! people did not get all nasty over your costume!!?!? omg! first of all that shit was funny. i died laughing. second of all it's freaking halloweeeen! its not the most PC holiday to start with. lord almighty, dont let the fools get you down.
ReplyDeleteLike this comment so much. Everyone is saying "OH MAH GAW this costume is SO not PC"... um when is Halloween ever been a serious holiday or been PC?
DeleteWell if you actually knew anything about the history of Halloween, you'd know it was/is a serious holiday.
DeleteHi Mish!
ReplyDeleteAfter attempting to come up with something clever and witty in response to these ridiculous comments (that I stopped reading after, ohhhh...the third one?) I'll just try and keep this short and sweet. I've only been following your blog for a short time now, however, it has become part of my daily routine thanks to your eloquently written sarcasm and spot-on sense of humor that comes few and far between out there in blog land. Oh...short and sweet, shit, okay. I'm a lipstick wearin', equality bumper sticker havin' ass lesbian, and your Halloween post was fucking HILARIOUS. I lol'd, Mish. The LGBT community has more stereotypes than I care to admit and clearly a few bitter homo's that have nothing better to do then anonymously comment. They're just mad you look better in cargo shorts.
Thanks for the daily entertainment and sarcasm. As always, I'll be looking forward to your next post.
<3 Thank you very much girlfriend. You rock.
DeleteYou rock to someone who says: "clearly a few bitter homo's that have nothing better to do then anonymously" in regards to well thought comments from members of the gay community who explained why they were hurt?
DeleteOh yea, you love the LGBT community.
You are such an ignorant bigot. I like how you only respond to the people stroking you. This world really is full of terrible people.
ReplyDeleteSponsors, people, sponsors- contact them and make it clear that their name will be associated with garbage like this. I mean, hello? She's just posted a brag about her traffic stats that are solely the result of her bigotry. For the next couple months, watch her blog (but not too much as you don't want to contribute to any large traffic gains more than we already have) and contact each and every sponsor on this page (including any giveaways- promotional posts, etc). Trust me, companies and sponsors will RUN from a homophobic blogger like this, especially one that doesn't make them that much money in the first place...peace :)
ReplyDeleteMISH.... I am bisexual and dating a lesbian. NEITHER of us see ANY offensive qualities in this costume. Sure you could have said man, but you said butch lesbian. That IS a type of lesbian style. If you were against gay marriage, equality and rights and then dressed up as a joke it may have been a little more offensive. HOWEVER, I see nothing wrong with this. Guys dress in drag for halloween all the time and no one stands up for the drag queens, or trans*. Sooooooo people need to find more important things to do with their lives then try to break down someone because of their halloween costume.
ReplyDeleteYou're still a hateful bigot, and I plan on emailing/calling all of your sponsors to alert them to this.
ReplyDeleteThis is not an apology. It's a "sucks that what I did makes you feel bad."
ReplyDeleteYou still see nothing wrong with this "costume." I can't get over the fact that you think a lesbian is someone to dress up as. Lesbians are killed, tortured, beaten, and shunned across the world for being who they are. It doesn't happen as often here in the U.S...but it still happens. And you "dress up" as one for a holiday.
What's more, you go on to thank people who say things like, "clearly a few bitter homo's that have nothing better to do" than to comment here.
How sad for you.
I think it's funny that people take offense in what you did, while just by feeling offended they are the first ones to admit to being racist.
ReplyDeleteThat's just ridiculous.
I totally agree with what you just said about how women are never offended when men dress up as girls and play the 'drag queen' stereotype. Here in my city (I live in the Amazon - Brazil) there is even a party in which all guys dress up as women and behave as such. Some of their traits are over the top and there is no way women are offended.
I wonder why, in 2012, people are still making a big fuss about it.
There's so much more to be worried about in the world. I'm pretty sure someone else could make much more use of these people's anxiety over a blog post if they actually put this very same effort to a good cause.
But that's just me.
Becca
Ugly, hairy, disrespectful clown that's a more fitting costume for you since that too would be no stretch.
ReplyDeleteIt's not the costume that's disrespectful but rather your attitude towards it.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you expect from someone that is Asian and dresses up as a geisha prostitute? Clearly she sees herself in this light.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for this costume, learn some damn respect and say you're sorry but mean it. Not half-ass it and say "I'm sorry you're hurt". Acknowledge that you hurt people and move on.
As for the commenters leaving "you're awesome and just do what you want to do" comments I am going to stereotype your sorority girl asses but I'll keep it off my blog so that I don't hurt your feelings.
The fact that you can't even recognize or admit that your "place of fun and love" was truly offensive and hurtful is... well, offensive and hurtful. Also, just really sad.
ReplyDelete