Thursday, May 24, 2012

Crazy Connie's Visit to the Dentist


**Side note to all that don't know:
Connie is my alter ego that comes out, oh about, once a month. You know...during that time.
Carry on.


...

I had that annoying dental assistant again yesterday.
The one where he insists on commenting every.time on the movie I'm watching as he cleans my teeth. 
This time, as I'm quietly watching Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks in You've Got Mail,
in chimes Mr. Dental Assistant, mid-clean, complete with his snarky little attitude:
"Were you even born when this movie came out?"
Umm, pretty sure this movie was released in the late 90's thankyouverymuch. 
And I'm sorry, what? Who are you?

But instead of pretending I don't hear him,
I simply respond with a polite laugh and inform him that 
"Yes, I'm 25 and this movie came out in the 90's."

After a full 3 minutes of silence from him, he asks, 
"So what...were you like five then?"
Jeez man, back the eff off and just clean my teeth, will ya?
I'm trying to listen to Kathleen Kelly's story hour!

But again, because I'm too chicken shit to ever say aloud something mean I'm actually thinking, 
I respond with a polite laugh again and say, "Yeah...something like that."
{Even though, clearly, if he knew anything about You've Got Mail, he'd know I was 12. Obviously.}

I'm trying my hardest to push Crazy Connie aside and focus on the movie
when Mr. Dental Assistant decides to become an orthodontist.
After asking if I wore braces, he then firmly says:
"You should really wear your retainer. See your front teeth there?"
{as he hands me a mirror and completely ruins the movie for me}
"They're moving forward. And you see that gap?
It's only going to get worse."

I bite my tongue because I'm this close to maybe possibly almost saying something to him about minding his own biznass and leave my growing gap alone!
But like a good girl, I politely nod and smile, 
promising to go home to search for my red, sparkly retainer 
that I had in the 8th grade.

Of course, all I really did was get in my car, curse his name, and eat a bag of sugary Peanut M&M's 
with my freshly cleaned, gap-toothed teeth.
That'll show him.

...

xoxo

29 comments:

  1. Hahahaha --- too funny! Thanks for making me laugh this morning :)

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  2. My favorite is how they talk to you while their hands are IN YOUR MOUTH. And they don't just talk, they ask a question. Seriously!??!

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  3. haha !! this is hilarious!! :) God bless!!!



    I blog @ forevergodsprincess.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. You have very pretty teeth. Is that weird to say? Dental hygienists can be annoying. I feel like mine should pay ME after a visit. She talks to me like I'm her therapist. I don't care about your problems lady, just floss my teeth! That sounds so mean.

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  5. Hahah this is too funny. I admire your control to not grab the horrible, annoying metal spike/pick thing and stab him in the eyeball. And awesome that you get to watch movies at the dentist.

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  6. yeah, your gap is huge.

    ...wait, what?

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  7. hahah! Oh shoot, dental assistants can be SERIOUSLY annoying {I'm an assistant lol}
    I really make it a point to pretty much say nothing but "hi how are you?" "any concerns about your teeth since your last visit?" & "alright, see you next time!"

    haha so maybe I'm lame...but I'm pretty sure no one hates me!....what an annoying guy!!!

    xo

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  8. LoL .. *pat* *pat* .. you can barely see that big-o gap~

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  9. Hilarious! I was just watching You've Got Mail (while multitasking) an hour ago on VH1 and enjoyed every single minute of it! Went to see it with friends in H.S. (in '98) so that shows my age.

    Your teeth look lovely and you showed him with your M&M's Mish.

    xo

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  10. it seems like there's always those people at the dentist office. there's the one who is rough, the one who talks too much, the one who is quiet and awkward, and the one who is annoying. they're all at my dentist office, except for one she's polite, talks just enough, gentle, and when i schedule i ONLY ask for her. in fact we're facebook friends and she knows myself and family pretty well because we ALL only see her. =)

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  11. Dentists are the worst! Mine keeps trying to make me take out my wisdom teeth even though two of them are already grown in and fine and the others aren't hurting. I mean, c'mon now. Stop trying to make me have unnecessary surgery. Yeesh.

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  12. Hi Connie, or is it Konnie? I get a lil cray cray during that time too! I'd call myself Lola. Sry about crazy hygienist dude. Why do they always want to talk, and then expect you to respond. Your mouth is not able to talk at the moment. Sheesh.

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  13. Hahaha being a dental hygienist, I promise to never be like that! Keep it short, ask few questions and see themm in 6 months. Call the doctors and ask for a different hygienist! Once you find one you like, its hard to change :)

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  14. Wow... just, wow. That's effed up. I would have had a word with the office manager as I was leaving. And then once I was in my car, all of the nasty things I wanted to say would spew forth, like lava. I'm too chickenshit to say what I think too.

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