Tuesday, June 21, 2011

When to say "No."

I've always had a hard time saying no to people.
But my brother recently had a talk with me about the importance of being honest.
Not only to others, but to myself.
He was mostly referring to the fact that I have always had a hard time telling a guy when I'm not interested.
He told me that men would much rather know the brutal truth than to have any false hope.

For example, this past weekend, I met this guy. Oddly enough, his name was Aaron. Cute, tall, funny.
He was sweet and also bought me flowers. In Downtown San Diego. What the heck am I supposed to
do with flowers? Carry them around all night? Regardless, it was a nice gesture.
Anyway, I gave him my phone number. I figured, what the heck, he's cool.
Turns out he's a mere baby at the tender age of 21.
No thanks.
He. Will. Not. Stop. Texting!
Seriously, he texts about 6 messages to every ONE of mine.

"How are you?"
No response.
No response.
"What are you up to today?"
No response.

I was talking about this to my Brother and he was perplexed on why I couldn't just tell this to the guy.
I said I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I would rather just ignore the texts and then he'll "get the hint." Right?
Then Brother ranted and raved about how if I could just be honest with him NOW, it could save him and prepare him for FUTURE women he may meet and hopefully not creep them out with his incessant texting.
I suppose that makes sense. I'm sure there's a diplomatic way to relay that message to him.

Anyway, I am vowing to myself to be honest with my feelings and to know that it's okay to be honest with others as well.
Wouldn't I want people to be honest with me? Of course. So I can only assume that others would like the truth as well.

I tried out this newly acquired skill the other day with my friend. Let's just call her "A."
"A" recently told me that her lease is ending this week and won't be getting a new place until August 1st.
She asked me if she could stay with me and Roomie so she wouldn't be "homeless."
Stay with us? For 30+ days? On our couch? In our little townhouse? Yikes.
When she initially brought this up the other week, I kind of, sort of, said it would maybe be okay.
Then we never talked about it again. I was hoping she somehow found somewhere else to stay.
I was wrong. She brought it up again this weekend with all indications pointing towards her staying.
I took a DEEEEEEEEEP breath and said (actually texted),

"'A', I am more than okay with you staying with me for a few days, maybe even a week, to get some extra time to make other arrangements. I just don't think any longer than that is such a great idea. There just really isn't that much space and Roomie and I aren't very comfortable with someone on our couch for such a long period of time. I would be happy to help you look for places while you're here, though."

I just about had a mini panic attack while waiting for her response.
To my surprise, she seemed pretty understanding about it all. And I'm pretty sure I didn't lose a friend over my new "honesty policy." I hope. We'll see. Now that I think about it, I haven't heard from her since that convo. Hopefully all is well. Ugh.

Point is, there's a difference between doing a favor for a friend and then being taken advantage of. Not necessarily saying "A" was trying to do that, but I don't know...30+ days on someone's couch seems a bit excessive. Am I wrong? Am I not being a good friend by letting her stay?


I'm gonna need a Margarita or 3 tonight.

Hope you all have AMAZING Tuesdays!



  1. important lesson i'd say! i support your no endeavors.

  2. I agree. Honesty is always the best policy.....and you can be honest in a very loving and gentle way. (I have yet to master the loving and gentle part)



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