Tuesday, October 21, 2014

It's Happening

In just 4 days something major will be happening.

My mom, sister-in-law, best friend (and Maid of Honor) from L.A., other friend from San Diego, another friend (and bridesmaid) from Oakland, and future mother-in-law will be WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING.

Did you catch all that?

Wedding. Dress. Shopping. For me. Michelle Lim, soon to be Michelle Dixon, will be trying on Wedding Dresses.

I don't know why that sounds so weird to me, but it does.

I've been a flower girl, I've been a bridesmaid (x4), I've been a guest (more times than I can count) - but never have I been The Bride. The one who stands in front. The one who goes shopping for a wedding dress.

And it boggles my mind, really. Like, I know I'm getting married in 8 months and 13 days, but maybe it just hasn't really hit me. We've sent save the dates, we've secured the venue, the flowers and food are done, but it still seems very foreign and far away to me.

Perhaps once I start putting on dresses it will hit me that this is actually happening? Or....it won't and then I'll blink and be standing at an altar saying, "I do." Who knows man.

But I want to soak up every second of this because (knock on wood) this is the only time I'll get to experience it and like everyone says, it's going to be over before I know it. I mean I still feel like I just got engaged yesterday, but alas, it's been almost 4 months!

Anyway - prepare to see your Instagram Feed blow up with some awesome pictures of me in dresses. I have this dream of finding a really ugly dress and posting it on Insty (bc I'm obsessed like that) to tell you all I found my dream dress....A little something like this perhaps:

Or this:

Or how about this:

Or my personal favorite:

Yes. That's the one.

Be ready.


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Thursday, October 16, 2014

Baby Steps

I don't know about you, but lately I've been feeling a bit off. At first I blamed it on the monthly hormones, but then that came and went and I was still feeling wonky. More tears than necessary, more complaints than normal, just this funk that I can't seem to shake. And my dear, sweet man of mine has been patiently listening through all of my silly ramblings these past few weeks, and I just don't know how he does it. 

I also can't quite explain what's going on in this head of mine. Maybe I'm depressed. Maybe depressed is too strong of a word. Maybe I'm Bipolar (<-- as if that's not a strong word either?). Who knows, man.

Maybe I'm itching for a change. As much as I appreciate routine and certainty, I'm finding myself wanting something else, something different. I say just about every other day that we should move. But then The Dizzle logically reminds me that we agreed to wait until after the wedding so that our time and money can be focused on preparing for that. He quickly talks me down from the ledge and I too agree that it's for the best. But then the next day I find myself saying, "Let's just sell everything again and go travel! We'll go travel for 8 months and then meet everyone in Kauai for the wedding! It makes PERFECT sense!"

Do you see what I mean by this Bipolar-ness? 

This morning, after another bout of "I'm just not feeling very happy right now and I don't know why" ramble, Verner suggested a little exercise for us. He said, "Sometimes we get so focused on the things we don't have, that we become blinded to all the things we do have. So let's each think of 5 things that we're grateful for." (Do you see why I want to marry this guy?)

And so we did just that. 

We'll just ignore the fact that I placed #2 on his list. ;)

Anyway - Saying it aloud and writing it down made me feel a little better, and it's something I definitely want to remember to do more often. Because he's right - there are SO many things to be thankful for. And no matter how much money you have or what your house looks like or how many friends you have, you can always find something else that you think you're lacking. If we don't get into the habit of appreciating our here and now, and what we do have, then we'll never ever feel whole or complete.


The Dizzle also suggested that my laying in bed every single day while working from home may not be the most conducive thing to my overall well-being. Which, as much as I love my bathrobe work uniform, I think he may have a point. As social of a person as I am, and as much as I feel a need to have human interaction (thanks to my Leo/Extrovert nature, which trust me, can be a blessing and a curse), being holed up in my studio 24/7 is perhaps counter-productive and could very well be a huge contributor to my newfound negativity.

So I threw on some clothes, asked The Dizzle on a scale of 1-10 how much I looked like a homeless person, to which he replied a 4 (good enough for me), and off we went to Starbucks.

After several productive hours working, we decided to head back home for some lunch. And as we passed the Pottery Barn, I took a look at their window display.

It seemed quite fitting for the morning I had, yes?

I want to remember to focus on the things I have to be grateful for. And not just because Thanksgiving is right around the corner (how the hell did that happen?!) and Store Windows tell me to. But truly. Because come on now. I'm living in San Francisco. I'm engaged to the most amazing man I've ever met. I have a job that allows me to work anywhere. I'm healthy and (most of the time) happy. ;) Things could be worse.

So here's to being grateful. And here's to getting out of my bathrobe and in to a homeless-scale-of-4 outfit. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.


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